tears.

today, i couldn't help but cry. i hate when people leave my life. it's like... one of the FEW things that break me. my God, and my loves. those two things are the only things that can break my heart like that. i just stood there in the shower trying my hardest to hold back my tears. and even now, i can't hold them back...

i think back to times when i used to hate my dad because of all the restrictions and how he would yell at me for things. that's just his character. but i took it for granted. i took HIM for granted. i grew comfortable with the idea that when i get home, he'll automatically be there. we wouldn't really talk because we'd always be busy with our own thing. and now he's going to be gone from my family for 6 months. i seriously wanted to YELL that right now. because I HATE MYSELF for not spending time with my dad like i would have wanted. i always complained that my family wasn't that close because we're always off in our own separate worlds that are our computers and rooms. but it's not just their fault, IT WAS MINE. i didn't make the effort to do those things.

i just hope it's not too late.

i love my father SO MUCH. even though he can be hard at times, i know he was always putting my best first in his mind. he told me things i didn't want to hear, but i needed to hear. he held me when i needed someone. i just pray SO HARD that when he's gone these few weeks, God just watches over him so closely that when he's in the philippines doing God's work, he'll be able to come home to us safely.

i'm even more scared for my mom. i don't even know how she's going to deal with this separation. my parents are THE BEST team. i have never met parents like them. not just because they're my own and i'm so grateful to have them, but i never have seen parents devoted so greatly to God. making God the center of everything. it's amazing. it's what keeps them together.

it's like... they're the perfect example of God's love for us, His children. my mother is the soft side that shows so much compassion. a love that never grows cold. one that is ALWAYS there to come running to when you're broken and she'll be there to comfort you and let you know everything is going to be alright. my father, the firm love that won't let you quit on yourself. the kind that is hard on you, but never too hard to break you. one that challenges you to help develop your character into the right person. but at the same time, he has a soft side that knows when you need to feel that love and just be like that mother. and he isn't afraid to show it. real men today are so stupid. you need to be MACHO and super strong and not show your true feelings. it takes courage and a real man to be secure in himself that it's ok to show your true feelings and cry or something. anyone can put up a mask, a facade. how many of you are willing to take down those walls and let yourself be vulnerable?

i'm not saying i'm a real man or anyting, because i honestly don't think i am.




God's love is so great. greater than we can ever imagine. He is our Father. one that loves us so much, these children that don't even know Him or acknowledge Him for the things He does for us all the time. He died for us, DIED. like... went through the greatest punishment EVER IN LIFE for us. these children so undeserving. who are WE that this great God would put His life on the line, His son. we broke the laws of our Lord, so we deserve death to fulfill that penalty put on our sins. but no, God said that He would take the punishment for us instead. He loved us that much. so much. a love that this world can never show you. nothing on this earth can match this great love. it's like trying to shove a square shape into a triangle shaped hole. nothing's going to fit. thing's may seem to fit and slip through, but how long does that last?



iono where i'm going with this. just random thoughts running through my head after my devotional.



have you ever done a devotional? you should try it. it takes like less than 10 minutes to read. it could change your life.

God loves you. so much. embrace it.