sanctuary.

not really sure why i'm blogging. i just... have nothing to do. just at church in the sanctuary with my laptop listening to music trying to think of what songs i should get out for worship practice today.

this week has been hard. honestly one of the hardest weeks this year from school. early morning classes, deadlines for projects and papers, tests, tinikling practice, and loss of sleep trying to get everything done. redic.

i just thank God so much for getting me through it and making it not so painful. like... it hurts and wears me down to a point where i felt like i couldn't even make it. honestly. i woke up and was just... i can't do this. there's just TOO MUCH on my shoulders to handle and it feels like any moment would turn into my breaking point.

but i know that when it comes to those times... all i can do is just pray. pray for strength, pray for hope, pray for myself to trust that it's part of something greater and that God will see me through it.

and He did. here i am today alive and well with all those things behind me. all i can do is say thanks over and over. for provision and blessings.

blessings. they are so amazing. i was talking to jon marc and asking him to pray for me that this past week would get easier and he gave me a great way to count my blessings when i was feeling down. it's really cool. i suggest you try it.

so the thing is to start with something small that you have and count blessings connected to that. so i was driving to school thinking about that and i thought of my sunglasses.

something so small. SUNGLASSES. but then i remembered who gave them to me. kim. she's such a blessing to my life in more ways than i can count. everything she does for me and with me is always such a blessing. then i think about how i met her. school. im so blessed that i have the opportunity to go to school when people don't even get that chance in many places of the world. others are forced to go to work so early in life to provide for their family. family. thank you for my parents who were so blessed that i don't have to worry so much as i grow up about where i need to get money from of or everything is going to be alright because they have a firm foundation for their children. then my house. even just my bed. that they provide that and i can be warm at night when i sleep. and i can shower in the morning. WITH WARM WATER. because cold showers would suck. and that i can be clean. no one would come near me if i wasn't clean. i would stink... hahaha.

and seriously, the list can go ON AND ON. no joke. i take life for granted so much because i think those things will always be there. but what if they weren't? life would be so hard. but God blessed me and my family and friends so dearly that i wouldn't have to go through that.

it just makes me feel dumb that i worried. once again, i worry too much. has not God gotten me through so many things already. from beginning of my life to now, and will continue to. so why should i ever worry? if He hasn't left me before, after 19, almost 20 years of my life, there's no reason i should think that He'll leave me anytime soon.

wide, high, long, deep.

that's God's love for me. for ALL of us. no matter if you believe in Him or not, if you don't want a relationship with Him or not, no matter who you are or what you've done. He has a love greater than anything we could ever know on from this earth. it's better than life.



iono how to end this.

abundance

i love it when i read something in my devotional and like... yeah i believe it. but it's so much better when God shows it to me and like puts it in my face. it just make me believe in Him more and more and want to trust Him with everything.

basically, my devotion was about how God never does anything for you half way. He always gives you so much. like for example... asking for your mom to buy you this shirt, and instead, she buys you that shirt, PLUS all these other shirts you want and you didn't even have to ask. cool stuff right?

well i saw it last night. when i went out to get dinner with kim. she was all stressed out because of work and all the school stuff she has to do. i would be stressed and worried too. then things got even worse when she couldn't make up her mind about the food she wanted. did she want to save money, did she want to get food. so we decided after driving around to just go home and she'll just make herself some dinner. but then we saw this pizza place and decided to go in. she ordered herself a mini pizza and a side salad. then when we got up to get our order, the worker said we won the lottery with food. i was like... uhh... wth? so apparently, they read the order wrong and instead of making a mini pizza, we got a medium. and on top of that, the ran out of side salads, so instead we got a family size salad. so dinner for two! how awesome right? and we didn't get charged any extra. =D WOWOWOW

another thing. God's timing is so perfect. never too early, never too late. always on time. kim needed a break and way to relax. without having to pray about it, just as we learned in bible study, the Holy Spirit intervened for us and gave that worry up to God. and God provided. not just enough. any little pizza would have been enough. but He gave A LOT. hahaha. we were so full! it was great. =D

gotta love God for that.

also, just wanted to remember today. ria accepted Christ into her heart today! HOW EXCITING! nani called me and told me and i was like... iono how to react. but it's so exciting to know that! now God can really start doing wonders for her.

yay!

from the inside out.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the insode out,
Lord, let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out.

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

--------------------------------

this song means so much to me. just because... the lyrics speak so much to me about myself and my struggle in life trying to be the person that God wants me to be. at times it gets so hard and the things of this world just break me down and all i can do is stumble and stumble and stumble. i pride myself in being a christian and having Christ in my life but so many times i need to check myself and see is God really my number one? am i really living for Him or for my own desires?

just because i am christian doesn't mean i am any different than the next guy. i am not immune to being myself. being human. it's in my nature to sin. over and over. and iono... it just hurts so much knowing that i'm supposed to be an ambassador of Christ and too many times have i fallen short of that name. getting caught up in the moment or doing things for myself. thinking too little before it's too late.

it sucks. it just breaks my heart knowing that... God tells me not to do these things and He knows that when i do it, nothing good will come out of it and i'll end up hurting myself. but yet, i don't even listen. i do it anyways just for the hell of it. and just as He has told me before, i end up feeling empty still. i find myself saying that i should have just listened...

hope.

life is hard. but thank God that He loves us so unconditionally... a love that gives so freely. 1 corinthians 13 talks about LOVE. a very famous verse in followers of God and even those who aren't because it talks about what true love is. patient, kind, hopeful, slow to anger. so many of these things. and all of this, i know my Father has for me. everytime i sin, i feel convicted and hate myself but i know i shouldn't dwell on it because despite the fact that i did do it, my Father still loves me regardless. that was Jesus' purpose. He knew that we are born into this sin and that we can never be perfect in order to get into heaven. that's why He had to die for us. for me. the idea that when Christ was on that cross and as He died, He saw me. He had me in His mind and bit the bullet so willingly. a son who isn't even worthy to be called son. a person that shouldn't even be recognized by God.

but with this, God gives us hope for a better future. through these problems and trials, my life is being refined. slowly, step by step, God is making me into a better person. that is my hope. this amazing love that runs to us ready to save me when i need it most. and any other time i need it.

and this love never dies. it's everlasting.

sigh... God is awesome. sometimes, the worst of me has to come out in order for me to see God and allow Him to reveal the best in me.





its always, always, always about LOVE...

blessed.

blessed more than i could ever imagine. more than i deserve. more than i need.

God is good all the time. and all the time, God is good.

just gotta trust and live according to what He wants for you, not what you want for yourself.

sounds yuck to some people. understandable. but yeah. it brings me happiness that doesn't fade.




i want a magic bullet. hahaha. SIGH...

yuck... driving to lancaster was of the UGNESS today. freaking kim and i wasted 4 hours of life... ZOMBY. sigh. and i get to drive out there again to pick up my brother. i'm not driving him there anymore. the only way he's getting there is if he learns how to drive. i don't care. hahaha. i am NOT driving out there again. that was... the complete opposite of fun and how i would have liked to spend my friday. and i drove there right after an anatomy quiz and sociology midterm that i stayed up til 3 the night before doing. anatomy was at 8... hahaha. lariz and i fell asleep in the union and the little kids on tours got to see what college is really about. studying till your eyes fall out and you end up collapsing on chairs in public.

thas wussup.

bible study was awes. kyrstin came this week. yay! i'm glad she did. it's so fun having my friends come with me to bible study. it's a great thing for all of us to share together. there really is no better way for us to spend our friday nights.

it's cold. hahaha. that is all.

DINGLEBERRIES?!

AH HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH

ENGL-WOOD

so bored in english class. this is so bad. i hate bringing my laptoop to school because i HELLA cannot focus on anything the teacher is talking about. i'm torn between iss, blogspot, my paper due at 5, and whatevers going on in class. SIGHHHHHH

so this girl WOULD give me her number in class... hahahaha. oh gosh. just thought it was funny. we have socio together and yeah. we have our final tomorrow so she offered to send me some notes which is nice. i wanted to sign onto aim and send her my email because it's so embarassing to say. but then she's like OR YOU CAN JUST TEXT ME... my number is.... da da da

nice move. hahaha. she's nice though. more friends in class is always good.

there there's this one girl who always comes in late. i think it's because she's so focused on her looks. iono if i'm just being shallow or i can read her character but yeah. she always comes in LATE but she dresses really... iono. white washed? then she always wears too much makeup. iono... i'm not saying make up is bad or anything. i just think if it's not THAT necessary, don't put so much on. i love it when girls wear subtle makeup to ENHANCE their already natural beauty. not when they think OH IM UGLY, I'LL COVER IT UP WITH MAKEUP...

oh gosh. i hope no one hates me if they wear a lot of makeup...

brown leather jacket, beater with semi see through material green shirt. skinny jeans, slippers, big circular dangly earings, HUGE victoria secret pink, blackberry with ELECTRIC pink case

but of course, that's just the outer appearance i see of this girl. i'm sure there's so much more under all those things. animal number 1 of 3. hahaha

blah. ok i'll blog more about my day later. hahaha. i wanna like... blog about the different places i'm at. ios, geog class, pac meeting, practice.

hmmmm. sounds like a great COLLECTION. hahaha. so gay.

jeff is cute.

perfect timing//on and on.

in my experience, there is no such thing as PERFECT timing. sad to say, but to me, there is no such thing.

but there is for me, God's timing. for me, that's so much better than perfect.

whatever happens in my life, good or bad, i know it's right. it's exactly where God wants me to be in life at that very moment. God doesn't miss. He's never too early or comes late. whether the circumstances be good or bad, i know that there is a reason for it all. there's a purpose so much bigger than i can see. because all i can see is the current. what's happening NOW is what matters to me. but i know my God has such a greater plan for me. so much bigger and greater than i can even comprehend. He is my father who always has His best in mind for me. i am His beloved. i am His and He is mine.

He is my shepherd. as long as i am the sheep, i will always do my best to keep my eyes fixed on the shepherd that guides me. even though there are dark valleys that i might go through, i won't be afraid. my Father is there. always there no matter what. there is NOTHING that can separate us. while walking, i might stray away from the path He has set out for me, but i know that He keeps His eye on me all the time and is there to lead me back when the time is right. His rod and staff give me comfort because with that staff, He protects me from harm. He will never let me fall. things may happen that may seem to be bad, but i know they're all trials for me to build my character. things may get hard, but i know it's never something that i cannot overcome. God will provide everything i need to overcome that obstacle. He gives more than enough. He is more than enough...

time and time again, i keep going back to this theme when it comes to writing about my faith. my relationship with God...

it is always, always, ALWAYS about love.

all the things i see around me. all the things that happen in my life. all the amazing things i learn. even the things that may hurt me for a moment. i know it's all out of the love of my amazing Father. everything has a purpose. and behind that purpose is this unfailing love that will never let me down.

oh my gosh. i cannot believe how amazing this love is. knowing that... no matter how many times i deserve for God to turn away from me and have Him say that i am nothing to Him, i know that won't happen. when i hurt Him with the things i do and say, i don't even have to turn to Him first. i see my Father running towards me. TO CATCH ME. TO HOLD ME. TO KEEP ME SAFE. TO COMFORT ME.

to tell me i'm worth something.

there's so many things i've done in my life that make me the worst person ever. no one ever knows because i wear masks all the time to hide them. but the one person who can see past all these masks is my God. He knows my heart. He created it. even before my parents were thinking about each other, God had me in mind planning out every SINGLE step i was going to take in life. all the places i've been. all the things i've done. all the sins i've committed. i know that God planned out all those things. everything planned to the exact perfect moment. perfect not in my eyes, but to God, it is perfect. because He is perfect.

this is how i know my God is real. it's so much more than a religion. relgion is like... a way for man to find out about eternity or what happens after death and what to do in life to get there or at least try.

for me, it is this amazing relationship. without God, who knows where i would be. He's my crutch through everything in my life. not just a crutch, but He carries me when i can't walk on my own. always holding my hand and never letting me go.

there are so many instances in my life, especially these past few months, that without having God to turn to for comfort, i don't know how i would have gotten through them. without having that connection to give all my problems up to Him, my shoulders would have broken under the pressure of all these things. things that i know i would not have been able to manage without Him being there to share the load.





i just really felt i needed to let all those things out. to reconnect with my Father. these bad situations in life... they get so hard sometimes and i am so tempted to cry out to God for Him to just take it all away and let me get on with my life. but i know that thorn in my foot is there for a reason. i have these burdens and sins in my life so i can build my dependence on my Father over and over. it keeps me reminded that i really do need Him and i should bring anything and everything to Him no matter what. i have to give Him my best, so that He can give me His best.



SO BRING ON THE THORNS! IT'S WHAT I NEED.
they can bring me down, but they can't hold me there.



my problems and worries may be big, but my God is bigger...

cyncha

so... i guess it's cool that i get to have my photo up in a show in london, but i think it's WAY cooler that CYN'S picture is going to be in a BOOK of hotspots around LA.

WOW! IM SO J...




i'd soooo rather have a book with my picture in it than have it in a show in london. hahaha. CONGRATS CYN! imma tell my kids I KNOW HER when ur a famous photographer.

ama-awes-DEF!

zomg im so excited! so i thought it would be a typical night of just staying in and doing homework. NAAAAT!

i go on my flickr because... i have a list on my dashboard of the sites i check when i'm bored. so i finally get to my flickr and i have a message. i open it up and... this guy from london saw my picture and said he wants to display it in a show in LONDON called Nocturnal from april-may. it's a community based project that has a message about light and light bulbs. i forget but yeah.

HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! i mean it's cool that my pictures are online and people from all over the world can see them in computers. BUT IN A SHOW IN LONDON?! WHAT THE HECK!?!?!?! never in LIFE would i ever think this would happen. WOW!

God is awesome for giving me this joy and the gift of photography. SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!!! i would love to fly out to london and be like... yeah. i took that picture. what about it? with like some super cool face like it's no big deal. HAHAHAHA!

zomy... that is super cool. out of all my circle of friends that are photographers, i would NOT think i would be the one who would be found by some guy and have my picture picked. i'm not even that great. HONESTLY. i guess i get lucky sometimes. =P

i love my friends. the fact that we can share experiences together is so great. o0o and i love how they're always there to help! lariz and i trade off when we're really tired to take notes in classes for each other. =D team work ftw! so yeah. we decided that i would sleep in today.

and OH MAN. that dream was AMA-AWES-DEF WTH! i dreamt we bought a new house but it was right next to my old one. it was SO BIG! it was kinda sad looking outside at our old house and see that no one lived there anymore. but yeah. this new house. WOW! i went out to the back and they were still setting up the garage. but don't mistake this for ANY garage. it was like... FREAKING HUGE! they were setting it up to be like... a place we would have concerts or something. that's what it looked like to me. then there was like this... weird building where apparently tv shows were being shot. and like... there were spots in the wall where we could WALK THROUGH so we could watch the show being taped without being in the way. THAT WAS SO COOL! then i remember something about... going to seaworld with like 208398429384 filipinos. wth. hahaha. i remember there being this little kid who was being emo kuz his girlfriend broke up with him and he was in a tower and wouldn't come down. so i was like... yelling at him? hahaha. iono... I SWEAR I'M NOT MEAN! then there were dolphins so lariz and i just stood watching them swim. then we got these water guns that shoot water. but the water wasn't just a stream. they were like BULLETS but in the shape of DOLPHINS. WTH!!! that was SO DOPE!.



ok that's it. i need to get ready for schoolio. -_- hahaha yay!

interesting +1

i thought this was soooo cool

i hope whoever reads this is getting something from it. not that i'm writing because i want you to hear it, because i don't. like i do, but this is mostly a blog for myself. but yeah. whatever.

so i was doing my devotional and i just read about like... the Holy Spirit how when we accept Christ into our lives, we are filled with it and our souls are sealed for heaven forever. then it said that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us when we don't know how to pray.

Romans 8:26
²⁶In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for ^A)we do not know how to pray as we should, but ^B)the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words

it just reminded me of the little kids i teach at church. like before we start and before we end, we always pray. and then... it's always WHO WANTS TO PRAY! everyone wants to TALK before about stuff, but no one wants to pray. so i end up praying and stuff. hahaha. but i thought it was so cool how God thought through every single problem we may have. a lot of people don't know how to pray exactly and get scared because they don't want to sound stupid or whatever. that's how i felt. some people would say these amazing prayers that are so long and heartfelt. then when i'd pray it's like... uhh... ok that's it? hahaha.

it's just amazing that even when we don't pray, God knows that we want to and what we need so when we can't find the words, it's alright because God knows our hearts. He created them. He had us in mind way before we were born. so He knows exactly what you need all the time. even before you ask Him for it.




like i said. it's all about LOVE.

interestingness

just some quick points from my devotional i wanted to get down before i went to school.

if you wanna read with me, joey, and ria, the devotion we read is

http://www.intouch.org/site/c.cnKBIPNuEoG/b.4943547/k.2A53/Early_Light_Devotional__In_Touch_Ministries/apps/nl/newsletter.asp

=D

well yeah. it was just cool when i learned some thing's i never really thought of. so like... Jesus was God's son right, and you see a lot how much God loved Him and always took care of Him because they were one. that's the trinity, God, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. but that oneness isn't just something between God and Jesus. we are ALL God's children when we accept Jesus as our savior and follow Him. God wants that same oneness with us.

i find that so amazing. that the creator of the WORLD. not just the world. THE UNIVERSE. so big and powerful that i can barely fathom. HE wants to have this close relationship with ME. with all of us individually. just thought that was interesting because i never really thought of it like that.

also, the Holy Spirit gives us guidance everyday with what to do. if we should do this and that. we have to face decisions like 2380984092834 everyday. and it's so great how when it comes to hard decisions, all you have to do is ask God for guidance and He will give it to you. you just have to ask. and who would you rely more on when asking for guidance? a hunch you have yourself, or the knowledge of the person who made you and everything else?

and when i say God will give you guidance, i don't mean you will hear some voice out of nowhere or you will see God and He'll tell you. it's something that comes from within. from the heart that tells you what is right. something from maybe... iono. reading something in the bible that will help you or asking the right people. it's hard to explain. something like tugs at your heart saying "THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY, I WANT YOU TO DO THIS"

and lastly since i'm going to school soon... hahaha. God always provides enough for us. no matter what. God loves us. HE WANTS US TO BE HAPPY. HE WANTS TO GIVE US BLESSINGS. and He won't stop loving you despite how many times we fail Him or do things against Him. His love is unfailing and won't give up. when we stop looking to Him for help, HE RUNS TO US. because He is our Father and calls us His beloved.

God loved His Son Jesus so much. so much than we could understand. but even though He loved Him that much, He still chose to give Him up for US. these children that barely even have that ONENESS with Him.

amazing love. it's all about love. it's all out of love.