sanctuary.

not really sure why i'm blogging. i just... have nothing to do. just at church in the sanctuary with my laptop listening to music trying to think of what songs i should get out for worship practice today.

this week has been hard. honestly one of the hardest weeks this year from school. early morning classes, deadlines for projects and papers, tests, tinikling practice, and loss of sleep trying to get everything done. redic.

i just thank God so much for getting me through it and making it not so painful. like... it hurts and wears me down to a point where i felt like i couldn't even make it. honestly. i woke up and was just... i can't do this. there's just TOO MUCH on my shoulders to handle and it feels like any moment would turn into my breaking point.

but i know that when it comes to those times... all i can do is just pray. pray for strength, pray for hope, pray for myself to trust that it's part of something greater and that God will see me through it.

and He did. here i am today alive and well with all those things behind me. all i can do is say thanks over and over. for provision and blessings.

blessings. they are so amazing. i was talking to jon marc and asking him to pray for me that this past week would get easier and he gave me a great way to count my blessings when i was feeling down. it's really cool. i suggest you try it.

so the thing is to start with something small that you have and count blessings connected to that. so i was driving to school thinking about that and i thought of my sunglasses.

something so small. SUNGLASSES. but then i remembered who gave them to me. kim. she's such a blessing to my life in more ways than i can count. everything she does for me and with me is always such a blessing. then i think about how i met her. school. im so blessed that i have the opportunity to go to school when people don't even get that chance in many places of the world. others are forced to go to work so early in life to provide for their family. family. thank you for my parents who were so blessed that i don't have to worry so much as i grow up about where i need to get money from of or everything is going to be alright because they have a firm foundation for their children. then my house. even just my bed. that they provide that and i can be warm at night when i sleep. and i can shower in the morning. WITH WARM WATER. because cold showers would suck. and that i can be clean. no one would come near me if i wasn't clean. i would stink... hahaha.

and seriously, the list can go ON AND ON. no joke. i take life for granted so much because i think those things will always be there. but what if they weren't? life would be so hard. but God blessed me and my family and friends so dearly that i wouldn't have to go through that.

it just makes me feel dumb that i worried. once again, i worry too much. has not God gotten me through so many things already. from beginning of my life to now, and will continue to. so why should i ever worry? if He hasn't left me before, after 19, almost 20 years of my life, there's no reason i should think that He'll leave me anytime soon.

wide, high, long, deep.

that's God's love for me. for ALL of us. no matter if you believe in Him or not, if you don't want a relationship with Him or not, no matter who you are or what you've done. He has a love greater than anything we could ever know on from this earth. it's better than life.



iono how to end this.