from the inside out.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the insode out,
Lord, let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out.

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

--------------------------------

this song means so much to me. just because... the lyrics speak so much to me about myself and my struggle in life trying to be the person that God wants me to be. at times it gets so hard and the things of this world just break me down and all i can do is stumble and stumble and stumble. i pride myself in being a christian and having Christ in my life but so many times i need to check myself and see is God really my number one? am i really living for Him or for my own desires?

just because i am christian doesn't mean i am any different than the next guy. i am not immune to being myself. being human. it's in my nature to sin. over and over. and iono... it just hurts so much knowing that i'm supposed to be an ambassador of Christ and too many times have i fallen short of that name. getting caught up in the moment or doing things for myself. thinking too little before it's too late.

it sucks. it just breaks my heart knowing that... God tells me not to do these things and He knows that when i do it, nothing good will come out of it and i'll end up hurting myself. but yet, i don't even listen. i do it anyways just for the hell of it. and just as He has told me before, i end up feeling empty still. i find myself saying that i should have just listened...

hope.

life is hard. but thank God that He loves us so unconditionally... a love that gives so freely. 1 corinthians 13 talks about LOVE. a very famous verse in followers of God and even those who aren't because it talks about what true love is. patient, kind, hopeful, slow to anger. so many of these things. and all of this, i know my Father has for me. everytime i sin, i feel convicted and hate myself but i know i shouldn't dwell on it because despite the fact that i did do it, my Father still loves me regardless. that was Jesus' purpose. He knew that we are born into this sin and that we can never be perfect in order to get into heaven. that's why He had to die for us. for me. the idea that when Christ was on that cross and as He died, He saw me. He had me in His mind and bit the bullet so willingly. a son who isn't even worthy to be called son. a person that shouldn't even be recognized by God.

but with this, God gives us hope for a better future. through these problems and trials, my life is being refined. slowly, step by step, God is making me into a better person. that is my hope. this amazing love that runs to us ready to save me when i need it most. and any other time i need it.

and this love never dies. it's everlasting.

sigh... God is awesome. sometimes, the worst of me has to come out in order for me to see God and allow Him to reveal the best in me.





its always, always, always about LOVE...