easier.

i said it last night at bible study.

jeneane asked "why do we choose to follow God?"

i said "because it's just easier. seriously."




if you do believe and follow God, do you ever ask yourself seriously, why do you follow Him? what is the reason that keeps you coming back to church week after week or to bible study?


i said it's just easier. what i mean is... living with Christ in my life makes things so much easier on me instead of trying live everything on my own thoughts and strength. when i say that, i am so serious, it's not even a joke or anything.

living with Christ makes life so much easier on me.

just because i'm christian doesn't exclude me from the trials and pains of this world. but when those things do hit me, i know i'll be alright because i do have strength in them and i know there's a reason for them. and those reasons are shown to me in time. things may not be shown RIGHT NOW when we want it be seen, but they will be when God wants us to see it. it may be immediate, or not. but God's timing is never off. it's exactly when we need it.

so i said life was easier when we keep God as the center of our lives. it's in the bible. Seek FIRST the kingdom of heaven, and all these things shall be added unto you. so basically, put God first in everything you do, and He will provide.

this morning is my example of that...

i woke up and like... iono. there was just stuff on my mind. school. other commitments. relationships. so many things that i could barely keep from spilling out and breaking me down. seriously, things just ate me up while i laid in bed thinking what i was going to do with all these things. something in my mind was telling me to do my devotional first to start my day right but... i didn't want to listen. i wanted to make things about ME first. put me on the throne of my heart. in the number one spot. but... that's where God's supposed to be. i'm not saying it's a terrible thing to be selfish and do things on our own for ourselves. that's how we are. that's part of our nature. but, we should learn to move away from that and ultimately allign our thoughts and desires to what God wants first.

i was on the virge of just breaking down and not knowing what to do. so i finally gave in and said... you know what. even though i don't want to do this devotional. even if i dont feel like it. i'm going to do it anyways.

when i read that devotional, i knew exactly that i should have done it first today. the title, "the sufficiency of God's grace" was enough for me to know... i messed up. i should have done this FIRST and i wouldn't even had to think or deal with anything i just went through this morning. things could have been SO MUCH EASIER ON ME and my mind if only i listened to the Holy Spirit tugging at my heart telling me... it's going to be okay. just come. come and meet with me for a while and i will take everything away that may be troubling you.

that idea there makes me want to cry. knowing that God is always there RIGHT NEXT TO YOU waiting for you to come to HIM with everything you have that you've been trying to carry yourself WAITING on you to let Him take care of it all. waiting to give you all these blessings and comfort. everything you need.

all we have to do is come. that's it. just come as we are with everything we have and... He'll take it all away. all of it.

it's like... magic? iono how to explain it. i was worrying about how i'm going to figure all this school stuff out. about how to deal with certain people. about how things happened the past couple of days and if they should have happened that way. worrying about what will happen next. but then when you go to meet with God, all those things come into perspective that... they're there for a reason. they're not to hurt you but to make you stronger and develop your dependance on God. He wants us to come to Him. if only we remember to amidst all the distractions of the world.

i think i kinda lost what i was trying to say. oh well.

once again. jeremiah 29:11.
everything going on in my life is exactly what God wants for me right now. i'm exactly where God wants me to be. it's where i need to be to learn whatever it is and become whoever i am supposed to become. these things aren't made to hurt me. God loves me too much to let me ever get hurt to where it breaks me. and i dont mean that in a cocky kind of way. OH GOD LOVES ME SO YEAH THIS AND THAT. it's true. we are all His children and He loves us SO MUCH that He provides everything in our lives for us for reasons that we can't figure out but He promises that they are to give us hope, not to destroy us.

just gotta trust and constantly come back to God. constantly.

its like... we're this little kid lost in a store that forgot to hold on to daddy's hand because we saw something with our curiosity and wanted to see it and do things on our own. but eventually, we figured out that... we're lost and we need our daddy back to help us get home after the store. we wander and wander around looking and crying because we found out that things were better when we're with dad and we're too little to understand things going around us. we're just lost in a big store without any idea. at first we thought we knew what we were doing but eventually we figure out, we're don't know. but luckily, like any of us would be in this situation as a parent, our Father seeks out for us. running to us with open arms to find us where we are and just take our hand and give us comfort. to just... hold us once again and let us know that everything is going to be okay because our Father is in control once again and is holding onto our hand to guide us so that we don't get lost.

hope that made sense to whoever may be reading this. it made sense to me... but if you ever have any questions, feel free to ask!

i think that's it. =D




see... God is so cool. i had a terrible morning, but now things feel so much EASIER.

missing.

it feels like... something's missing from my night. as if i missed something or i need some closure on something. like... i was tired, but i don't want to sleep because... it's like there's something i need to be awake just in case for. it's weird. i can't really explain why i feel this way.

wow. i have like... no idea how to explain anything that's going on in my mind. its not like... a bad thing? i just have no clue what it is i'm trying to find or look for in there. i have a feeling i won't find it anytime soon and it's going to be on my mind all night if not all weekend. we'll see if i ever find it.

i wish... things weren't how they are. only i know what i'm talking about. i dont like the fact that i have to hide things in this blog. i want a private option where i can write something just for myself. i'll just use my other blog for that i guess.

anyways...






yeah. whatevers.

God meant for this night and everything that happened. thank You Lord for making me who i am and making me do what i do.





sigh. but in all honesty... i still feel like something is missing.

joy.

happiness depends on happenings. joy depends on Christ.



it takes a lot to get tears to jerk from me. my brother's leaving me for the first couple times. leaving the philippines when i finally feel like i know where my home is... letting go of something that i've held onto with everything i have. there's these kind of tears. the ones that come from pain and things that just really make my heart feel at its worst.

but then there's the feeling where you feel tears coming but... it's not the same. you're not crying because you're sad or something's missing. it's the ones when you realize... everything is really good and that God is really the one in control. you cry because... you feel safe. you feel secure. you know that God is SO GOOD that He won't let ANYTHING hurt you too much that you can't handle it.

ever since we were born, God had our best in mind. He set up all the little set backs and sad things that would hit us but even though they were there, He was there too. He saw the things that i'm going through now before i even had any idea about them. i know He will lead me through them safely.

this week has been teaching me a lot. i need to learn how to let go of what I THINK is right and what i need to do and trust in God to take care of me.

"let go and let God"

i've heard that phrase so many times but i don't think i've ever really applied it truly to my life. i always said that i will submit and give into what God wants. but still... i fall back onto what I FEEL is right and what I THINK is what i need. i get scared and overwhelemed by the world.

so scared. more than anyone really knows or sees.
scared to fail
scared to let people down
scared to mess up my life
scared to come off as someone that can't do it
scared to show my weakness
scared to show who i really am
scared to expose what i dare not show anyone



i may come off cool and collected. like i know what i'm doing and everything. this poem says it all...

Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks-
masks that I'm afraid to take off
and none of them are me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me
I give you the impression that I'm secure
That everything is ok with me
that Im confident,

and cool,

that the water's calm
and I'm in command,
and that I dont need anyone.
But don't believe me. Please!

I wear a mask!

But beneath dwells the real me

in confusion,

in fear,

in loneliness.
But I hide this.
I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of exposing my weakness.

That's why I frantically hide behind these masks.
they help me pretend,

I dislike hiding, honestly

I hate this superficial phony game that Im playing...

Im so tired of this!

... I want to be KNOWN...

maybe deep down inside... i just need someone to know who I really am ..

someone to tell me what I can't tell myself,
someone to tell me that I'm really worth something. That I can be loved. That I can be forgiven.

But I wont tell you what I need.
I don't dare.
I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me, that you'll laugh
and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that you'll think Im weak...

So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a facade of confidence without,
And a trembling child within.

So dont be fooled by what I'm saying
Please listen carefully and try to hear
what I'm not saying
Hear what I'd like to say
but cant say.

I tell you everything that's nothing
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.

Are you wondering who I am?
you shouldn't
for I am everyman and everywoman here who wears a mask.

So Don't be fooled by me.
Dont be fooled by the face I wear

for I wear a mask - and none of them are me.




this was a poem i read at uprising. it says so much because... it's everyone...

even though i put up all these masks to hide who i really am and what i'm really all about... i'm so glad i have God. He knows the REAL me. HE was there with me through everything. there isn't one tear that i cried that He wasn't there to catch. i am His beloved.

david said it best when he wrote psalm 139.



life is filled with emotions. sad. happy. scared. lonely. excited. everything. things that may get the best of us at times. But God knows what we need to get through all of them. He is what we need.

just gotta learn how to let go, and let God.


only with Him and what He has blessed me with am i truly happy. where i find my true everlasting comfort. my everlasting joy.





hahaha. =D

anyways...

since cyn is probably the only one who reads my blog... hahaha. i am like you too. i got kinda lazy to blog. pictures are fun but... iono. it's like i have NO TIME.

school hit me like freaking an airplane crashing into your car while driving in traffic. wowsers... i could not even believe the amount of reading and workload i had to keep up with just for the 4 classes i have. mostly anatomy. everything else is pretty easy... but yeah. i was hella in shock of everything where i was so scared. i was so unsure if i could get any of it done. im pretty sure my hair turned just a little bit more white.

and getting used to this getting up early thing is taking it's tole on me. im sooo tired all the time. especially having to get used to it right after so many semesters not having to get up and all the vacations. sighhhhh.

but i wanna throw all of that negativity away and just focus on my blessings. =D

i have so much to be thankful for. clothes! it's been super cold lately and im so glad i got to buy clothes over break so i can be waaaaaaaaarm. and my house and bed! and my shower! hahaha. some people may think it's stupid to be so excited over simply my house and stuff kuz... they have it too. but i bet there are so many more people that are so much more deserving to these things than me. and things could be so much worse and yet... God didn't let it happen. He always provides and always will.

so i'm happy. He put me in this to give me hope, not to hurt me. =D

i'm good. yizzur.

bore dumb.

i love how things worked out that... when i had something to do later, i was totally sleepy. and now that i can't make it out to the thing, i'm pretty much totally awake with nothing to do.

zomy...

BLAH! ok now i'm kinda sleepy and yeah... i really don't want to sleep so i can sleep later. ugh. it's only 530..................................................

cmon school...

praise.

this song is awes. we sang it at bible study last night and it's just really wow.

I will praise You Lord my God
Even in my brokenness
I will praise You Lord
I will praise You Lord my God
Even in my desperation
I will praise You Lord

And I can't understand
All that You allow
I just can't see the reason
But my life is in Your hands
And though I cannot see You
I choose to trust You

Even when my heart is torn I will praise (trust) You Lord
Even when I feel deserted I will praise (trust) You Lord
Even in my darkest valley I will praise (trust) You Lord
And when my world is shattered and it seems all hope is gone
Yet I will praise You Lord

I will trust You Lord my God
Even in my loneliness
I will trust You Lord
I will trust You Lord my God
Even when I cannot hear You
I will trust You Lord

And I will not forget
That You hung on a cross
Lord You bled and died for me
And if I have to suffer
I know that You've been there
And I know that You're here now



xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


it just give's the greatest imagery of how our lives can be in so much turmoil and sadness. that's how our life is. seriously. so much crap happens. but like... we have the answer to fix it all. all we have to do is just go to God with what we have and trust in His plan. like i've said over and over, His plans aren't to hurt us, but to give us a real future of hope and just mold us into a better person.

i'm so thankful for all the gifts we've been given from God. He could have just stopped with the gift of His son dying for us and tearing that veil that separated the world and Him, but He still continued to give. that's what i've been learning lately in my devotionals. they're really the things that keep me in check lately with everything that's been going on. they just keep my life right. i love it. i love Him.

God is really great yennoe. i've been really trying to invite kim to bible study but she usually has reasons not to come or just doesn't want to. but i knew that it wasn't in God's timing and that He would bring her when it was right. AND HE TOTALLY DID! like i wanted her to come last week but then after it was done i was like... ehh maybe it was good that she didn't. and it was right because God doesn't miss in His timing. when you get a no in life, it's God saying NO, or JUST BE STILL AND WAIT. so i did. and what i wanted was given to me. AND SO MUCH MORE! like she was super scared about it and was skeptical because... who wouldn't be? like its friday night, and all these people are just at church instead of out partying or whatever? it's pretty normal to feel that way. but i'm so thankful about how strong God is in all my SOS's lives that they were so welcoming and made everything so easy. i thought i would have to stick by her the whole time so she wouldn't feel alone or awkward, but everyone was so great. i was surprised i could go off and just... jam with kenneth and them while she was sitting talking to ate mia and others. they're awes. i seriously can't thank them all enough. i can't thank God enough.

i know my God is real. He has shown me time and time again what He can do and that He is always taking care of me. through any situation, God does what is right for me. He answers prayers. maybe not right away when i want it, but of course, it's not about my time. it's all about His time.




sorry if i haven't been putting up pictures lately. oh wells. =D praise God for everything else!

PROOF!

proof that my God is real! God totally answers prayers! even when i know i don't deserve what He gives, He continues to give so graciously. when times get tough and you feel weak like you're about to break TURN TO GOD! His love will totally catch you and with His time, NOT YOURS, everything will be beautiful.

SOOOOOOOOOO BEAUTIFUL!

God is good, fair, loving, kind, in control, awesome, mighty to save, our lifeline, our king, our shepherd, and so so so so so so much more!

YESTERDAY, TODAY, AND FOREVER.

amen.




ISN'T THAT SOMETHING?!


<3God

submission.

kind of like wrestling... but not so much.

well maybe it is. it's like... you're in a fight and you keep fighting to get up but the other one is knocking you down. you just to have to accept it and submit to that other person.

for me, that other is God. and when i say fight, i mean that in a very loving way. God is fighting for our hearts. He wants us to want Him as much as we want everything else in this world. money, love, satisfaction by things. but... God knows that these things can never fully satisfy us. He knows that He is exactly what we need. we just need to come to terms and agree with Him on that.

i was once told that when we were born, there was a hole cut in our hearts. that hole was cut in the shape of God. no matter how hard we try to fill it with things. relationships, hobbies, possessions, it will never be enough. it's like trying to jam one of those kid toys with the wrong shape. you can try to force it in, but it will never fit.

there is only one perfect fit to our hearts. to my heart.

Matthew 6:33 tells us
"seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you"

as human's it's only natural to try and rely on ourselves and what we can do on our own two feet. but that's not the case. we need to give up that habit and learn to submit. give everything up to God. seek Him in everything you do. put Him in the number 1 spot in your heart. if we can learn to do that, how could there be any trouble in our lives?

if we come to God willingly with all the burdens we hold, all the confusion and fear that this world puts in us, He promises to show us the answer to it all. the reason why these things are in our lives. for God has a purpose in everything. you just have to really learn how to trust in Him and obey what He says to you. do that, and you will find peace and rest wherever you are in life.





too bad i'm a hypocrite. i talk all these things and it's sad to say that... it's hard for me to do these things myself. i guess i just write them so i can just keep what was on my mind so i can look back and remind myself where i've been and know what i need to do. i don't regret doing this or anything because why should i be ashamed of my thoughts especially if they're of my God. i just feel bad because even though things may seem like i know what i'm talking about, i still need to work on it myself and fix things.

i'm just a sheep trying to find my way. i'm dumb, dirty, and can't live on my own. honestly, that's who i am and who i will be. until i learn to submit myself to God's plan and what He has in store for me, i will always be lost.

that may sound depressing, but of course, there's hope in those words. i don't have to be lost. i know exactly what i need to do to find my way back. it just takes time is all.





this is hard. but nothing worth while comes easy... right?

bri

o0o i forgot to post this. so i got back from my walk and i got this really awes im from my lil sister bri. i do consider her my little sister because i help her through a lot and even though we're far, she can always come to me with anything. i just help her when she gets lost sometimes. but it was really great reading this when i came back. it was like... going from crappy, to crying while walking, and then God showing me His love more and more through everything this night.

wowsers.

luvbriana1210: okay.thanks so much.i honestly couldnt ask God for a better friend.no matter what youre always there.and no matter what you say you just always seem to me make feel so much better and i always feel really relieved.and im not gonna lie.with all of this stuff going on.i havnt been to church since the summer and i rarely take the time to open up my Bible and thats really dissappointing.and my language..WOW!i just get so frustrated.and the image my parents have of me really puts me down and im constantly stressed now.no matter what.and idk but i honestly havnt been happy in a really long time.i give up on myself everytime i turn around and i can never pick myself up.my grades show it.im just a mess.the only person, other than God and my grandparents, that can really peice me back together no matter what they do or say is you.honestly.you know my life from left to right.no one else knows all of this stuff ive been through and no one else knows how i USED to be.so they dont see how ive changed.and idk.you just seem to pick me up when im feeling WAYYY down.and thats so comforting.i catch myself crying sometimes when im txting you or IMin you because i dont know what to do with myself.&you always have something good to say and you always make sure im ok.thats why sometimes i just send you random comments.i want you to know that i truely love you and i am truely blessed to have somone like you.

it just goes to show you that how you carry yourself and how you handle life can make such an impact on others. it was so random for me to im bri tonight. it's been so long that we've talked and we've lost a lot of the closeness that we had before but it's amazing that God put it in my heart to check up on her and notice the things that she was saying that was wrong and use me to correct her and help her grow in godliness. i love her bunches. i just want her to grow more and more. even though things may seem tough for her, i know God has something great in store for her. something amazing.

just like He does for all of His children. <3



YESSUHHHHH

comfort.

i took a walk to clear my head and try to find something to help me with whatever has been so heavy on my shoulders. nothing in this world, not the silence of the night, the expanse of the sky, the 30 minutes i have outside could do anything for me.

because they are of this world.

TRUE peace and comfort only comes from the one i call Father. My God. even when i'm in my brokeness, He is right next to me, holding me. only in Him am i complete. things can do their worst to get me down and at times it feels like they've won.

victory may look totally out of the picture, but that's just because the battle isn't over.

God is on my side so no matter what i go through, no matter what the world may throw at me. no matter how many times i may lose the fight, i KNOW that i will win the war.

i've heard the song EVERYTHING by Lifehouse a million times because i fell in love of the display of God's love for us shown in the famous lifehouse skit, but i never really listened to the words. tonight, on my walk, i REALLY LISTENED to what God had to say to me. there was a lot for me to learn. so many words of the song lead back to verse's i've heard over and over again in church but never really cared to apply them. until now.

the song tells us so much about our walk. about my walk. it was like... it was exactly what i needed to hear. the first verse is just... speaking of our thirst to just BE with God and seek Him in a place all our own to find peace with Him. things of this world may give us temporary peace, but God's love and grace gives us peace that surpases all understanding. and it's never ending. HOW AWESOME IS THAT? it's like... you could have the worst things happen to you, your car breaks down, your friend leaves you, you're struggling in school, you lose your job, but no matter WHAT, no matter WHAT

NO MATTER WHAT

God will be there. before you even ask, He's already at your side ready for you to come to Him with everything and anything. if you ask for peace and your heart is pure, surely He will give it to you.

wow that's so much i've written on JUST ONE VERSE. hahaha. sorry if this is long for whoever is reading. but i think i'm going to do the entire song. i just want to get it down so i can remember everything for myself. hope you're not bored reading...

so verse two speaks of God being our strength, hope, light, and purpose. it's true. when we feel weak and the world has gotten the best of us, God will raise us up on eagle's wings and renew our strength. He grants us hope with His promises to give us a future that will NEVER destroy us. it may hurt at times, but God will never give us something we cannot handle. everything is just the right amount for Him to get His point across to us. our light because... what would the world be without light? darkness isn't a thing, it's just the absence of light itself. so like... ok. when you feel things are dark and you're just lost in all the blackness, why is that? you must not have God around much, the light. so seek God first. BEFORE ANYTHING ELSE and everything else will fall into place. and last of the verse, our purpose. it's our life purpose to live for God and give Him glory in everything. when we lose sight of that goal we have, thing's start to get rocky and yeah. crap happens. that's what happened to me.

but just as we begin to slip and lose sight of God as our purpose in life, He's there already waiting for us WITH OPEN ARMS. He runs to US, not the other way around. HE IS THERE ready and willing to give you rest from everything that makes you cry. everything. ANY LITTLE THING that may give you tire, He's there to take it all away and renew you.

the bridge tells us about how can we simply stand in the presence of God and not be moved by Him. we are ALWAYS in His presence when we invite Him into our lives. we are given the gift of the Holy Spirit that dwells within us so there isn't an excuse for us to think that God isn't around watching over us. He's always there ready to show us something new. ready to teach. ready to MOVE us. we just have to seek Him. it also says how can it be any better than this. God should always be enough for us. my goodness He is WAYYYY more than enough.

ok. this part is SO AMAZING. God could have given us just... the 10 comandments and that would have been enough for us to know what is right and wrong to make our lives right. but no. He continued to give. He gives us comfort, peace, love. EVERYTHING. even if we TOTALLY don't deserve it, He continues to bless us with everything we need. and we sure do not deserve this sort of love. God created us so that we can give Him glory, but the sadness of that is... we don't. it's like... having a bestfriend that you neglect and is always excited to hear from you and talk to you and give you love and show you everything you ever need but... you ignore them. instead of meeting up with them to spend the day with them and just talk talk talk about everything, you send them a text that says, whats up and the conversation leads to nowhere. it's a terrible thing how we as a people of God have been driven so far away from Him all these years.

BUT ITS SO CRAZY HOW GOD SHOWS US GRACE AND MERCY DESPITE ALL THOSE THINGS! we don't deserve His love with how we treat Him and spit on His face with things. we've all sinned. but His love goes beyond all those things and He continues to shower us with love and everything we need. ALWAYS. He is our eternal love and provider for everything. and with everything we've done, we don't deserve a place in His home. we deserve a life of complete separation. but instead of giving what we deserve in that sense, He says no, my Son has already paid that price for you. because of this love i have for you, my beloved, your sins are WIPED CLEAN. gone. it's like... getting a speeding ticket for 1000 dollars and you have no idea how you're going to pay for it. so you go to court and talk with the judge and the judge just says... you know what, i know what you did was wrong, but i'm going to forget this and let you have another try. but then multiply that by 20938490283409432 TIMES. because we know we've sinned that many times. but no matter what, HE PROMISES to always wipe us clean of sin if our hearts are true when we repent. and repent doesn't mean just... oh i stole but i can repent and i'll be forgiven. then you go and do it again. then repent again. it doesn't make it ok when you do that. you have to actually take what you've done and TURN AROUND from it and make an effort not to do that sin anymore.

btw, God doesn't put us through all this because He want's us to suffer or whatever. it's not a punishment. God loves us so much but He allows us to sin. it's not just you when you sin and say that mean thing or think that thought. God is with you RIGHT NEXT TO YOU holding your hand guiding you through that sin. with that love, we don't need to be afraid of God being mad at us. He lets it happen so that we can learn from our mistakes. God takes the dirtiest of things and makes them something beautiful. Paul in the bible wasn't one of the ideal apostle's over night. He was one of the greatest haters of christians. but God used His power to do something amazing and turn this person totally around and make paul someone that we as christians today look up to in the example He sets for us. God takes our dirtiest thoughts and habits and uses them to teach us how to be like Him so that we can also be happy and clean. SO COOL RIGHT! and we always think sin is such a bad thing...

wow. i had no idea i would write so much about just that bridge. i actually didn't wanna write about it because it was just 2 lines so how much would there be in it? wrong. hahaha. yeah this is long. =P but it's worth reading. well for me it is.

ok so next verse. God calms our storms and gives us rest. God is always standing by to help us through the things that may toss us around in this world. even in the hardest times, we can be assured that if we look to Him, we can find rest in Him and His word. You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall. ok so even though we feel we are totally in control of our lives, like... i did this because OF ME, that's not the case. God knew us since before we were born or even THOUGHT of and even then, He had every single second of our lives planned out. He know's everything that's going to happen to us and it's all for good. it's like... so we've seen the last 3 star wars episodes right. we've seen them a lot way before we even saw how everything started. and then when we watch the first 3 movies, even though things look tough at times, we can rest easy because we know the ending already since we've seen it. it's the same case with God. having Him in our lives already guarantees us eternal life so it's like... what are you worrying about? this life is just preparing us for heaven. it may seem super long but its only like... A SECOND to God. so trust in God's love and salvation. don't worry. =D You steal my heart, You take my breath away. God should be the love of our lives. He wants us to love us how we love our boyfriends and girlfriends. but with boyfriends and girlfriends, there's a limit to the love that they show us. with God, His love goes WAYYY beyond anything we can ever understand. lovers can come and go and you never know if your boyfriend or girlfriend is going to be with you forever. they might leave you because you don't know what's going to happen tomorrow. but you can ALWAYS depend on God loving you no matter what. He's always going to love you. a girlfriend might break up with you if you cheat on her and that's that. when we cheat on God, He's always there for us waiting for us to come back to Him. there will never be a point where He will turn us away and say that He wants to break things off. like i said, His love goes beyond what we can understand. would you take me in? take me deeper now? we should have an undying thirst to be with God and learn more about Him and just always be with Him. all day, everyday. we need to ask God to keep this thirst in us and just continue to take us deeper and deeper into His word and love so that we can know God more and more. REALLY know him.

you're all i want
you're all i need
you're everything

the chorus sums it all up for us. God is enough for us so what more could we want? God is everything we need so why worry about anything? He will provide what we need.

He is everything...




i think that pretty much sums up the whole song. it's an amazing song when you need comfort or anything from God. when times are hard and you lose sight of the light in your life... don't turn to the thing's of this world, for they are just like chasing the wind. they don't last. the comfort may be good at the time, but how long will that last?

turn to God.

He is everlasting
&forever loving
&gracious
&wonderful
&anything we need
&everything we need

He is our Father and He loves us so much. He would never let us fall. He loves us too much to let that happen. AWESOME RIGHT?!






that was really long. hope you stuck with me through it all. =D
and i hope you take something back from it. much love and God bless.

lazy.

some pix from last night at signal hill... yeppers.

out of focus. not ur ordinary skyline picture. i didn't wanna have ANY picture that looked like someone else's typical signal hill picture.

where it all starts...

nice light trail in the back of a car turning.

trail.

more light trails.

gotta love that f/8 at 30"

wussup photography.

turtle speed.

slowest/longest day ever... wth. what is up with today. it's like... i hella tried to be productive or whatever and keep myself occupied but... nothing worked out. hahaha. gayme. -___-

i tried to take a dope picture like... autostitch a planet style picture but yeah. didn't work out too well... =/ i'll try it again 2moro. hopefully the weather is better 2moro. but i think not. i think its gunna rain. cool kuz the hot weather doesnt make sense but yeah. its kinda cold now. blah.

UGH I HATE TODAY. hahaha. but thank you Lord regardless for another day alive.

well i DO have one picture.

best $3.24 spent ever...

i guess that's all... -______-

make it real.

i need to keep in mind that my life and feelings cannot and should not be dictated by the current and temporary. i need to remember my past and what has happened to me before to know where i'm at and where i'm going. life for the lasting, not the short term highs.

sigh...

SO MANY CHANGES. hahaha.

its okay tho. im okayyy.

50mm practice.

just was bored doing nothing so i wanted to get used to taking pictures with my nifty 50 instead of always using my wide angle so yeah... went outside and started taking pictures of my dogs. =P enjoy.

show me a serious face.

i thought this was so cute. all sticking her tongue out like... this is stupid. hahaha

f/1.8 ftw.

i still reminisce about the sugar in your brown eyes

yawn...

another yawn

duno... i just really like this picture.

ch ch changes.

hmm... no pictures yet. just wanted to blog. get my thoughts down on a pad.
----------------------------------------
sorry... im watching friends and ross just said the STUPIDEST line ever.
*just after arguing about how ross cheated on rachel. break=ok to sleep with other girl? naaat*

ross: what, tell me what you're thinking...

rachel: im thinking... i wanna order a pizza.

ross: order a pizza like... i forgive you?

HAHAHAHAHA SO STUPID!!!
<3 friends.
-----------------------------------------
so anyways... iono. i look at how guys are sometimes. some guys. a lot of guys. and i'm SO GLAD my parents raised me how i am and that i grew up going to church like... every single sunday since i was a baby. people think that church is like... so lame or stupid because it tells you how to run your life...

nope.

it seriously helps you know what's right and what's wrong. it's not about going to church so you can get forgiven for everything you've done that week bad so you can be clean then you're safe another week til the next sunday. God really speaks to you about what is most important in your life and what He wants you to grow up knowing and ultimately who you become.

you know, i've talked to a lot of girls through a lot of problems. that's just who i am. i like the company and i like to listen and help in anyway that i can. then usually somewhere in our conversation, i get the line...

"i wish all guys were like you, romeo"

it always makes me kinda chuckle inside because... iono. i feel kinda like a step above the rest kuz im not THAT GUY who's out there just to get laid and im not THAT GUY who will party it up all the time and end up doing something stupid that seemed cool at the time but had no lasting effects. been there, done that. it's not worth it.

but God. He is seriously worth it. i'm the way i am in life because of just Him. only Him. if it wasn't for God, my parents wouldn't have brought me up the way they did and i wouldn't be who i am today. if it wasn't for God, i wouldn't have the same effect i do on people. if it wasn't for God i wouldn't know the people who i can call my branches that help hold me up. God is the only one i have to say thank you to and i can't say enough to show my gratitude for all He has done for me in making me who i am and everything He has perfectly placed in my life.

i'm not sure what my point was in this blog anymore... i just know that this year, i really want to learn to submit, with everything i have, to just be a better person. i'm serious this time. i never used to make resolutions because i thought if it's worth making a resolution, why wait til the next year to start making changes. i dunno. it just happened around this time for me.

Psalm 23 speaks wonders on who we are and how we should live our lives. just the first line...

"The Lord is my shepherd"

those 5 words alone have so much in it. the Lord is my shepherd indicating He watches over us, the sheep. when king david wrote this, he could have picked so many other words, like KING or GENERAL, or just GOD, but no. he picked shepherd to show us an amazing analogy about the love between a shepherd and his flock and just how the flock are. He's the shepherd meaning we're the sheep right? he picked sheep because sheep simply are STUPID. they don't keep themselves clean, they walk around wherever and have no sense of direction knowing where they should go. i mean forreal, you'll never go to like... a zoo and see a sheep. hahaha. or... at a circus, you'll never see a sheep on display doing tricks. they're just DUMB and they need someone to lead them.

that's God.

people can say what they say about me and my religion. that... iono actually what they might say. that we're a cult or... we're so uncool because it's like someone tells us what to do and people don't like that idea. having your life dictated by someone else... but honestly, i just think people are scared. scared of something different. scared to submit to someone of a higher power. scared to give up worldly things. scared to admit that they were wrong and someone else was right...

iono... it's just... i feel so bad for the people i see around me. they worry so much about this and that. how much money they need for this and if they'll pass this class and how their relationship is going with so and so. but like... God made us. He didn't tell us to worry. He promises that he makes plans for us to give us HOPE and a future, not to destroy us *jeremiah 29:11; thanks emma*.

i just want to be a better person this year because i want to help those around me help themselves and make themselves better people.

girls say "i wish all guys were like you, romeo"

i wish all people were like Jesus.

that's who my life is modeled after. that's how it'll stay.

tough love.

last night was such a hard night for me to come to terms with between 2 of my friends. i hated it, but knew that God had something to help me in it and not to destroy me, so i'm so thankful for everything that happened. and now i can just move on from it and grow grow grow! God is great. =D

tissue box. nice and soft huh. just how it should be. =P but yeah... just a reminder of my night.

i cant wait to get started on this book. tristan gave it to me and i learned a lot from him through this book. its called How People Grow; what the bible reveals about personal growth. choc full of goodness.

God has something awes planned for me. jeremiah 29:11
can't wait to see His finished product for me.

empty.

no pix today. sry.

very bittersweet day to boot...

-__-

Anticipation

chimnayyy

just the front PORCH of my house... thought it looked nice.

yep... i finally wore my locals today. yeah. i have too many vans.

yay! the new camera strap kim gave me. i loooooove it. =D

today sucked. i had to go to a meeting which was of total waste-ness. i was on my laptop the whole time. rich and harms agreed obviously kuz they were playing with puppy the whole time or practicing routines. then yeah... go home and be lazy. then practice which was whatevers. then go home and nap and more lazy.

boring day imo. but night time is fun. E7

Uncomfortable

Today was nina's graduation from her LVN vocational school. fun stuff. a lil boring but yeah. typical for graduations so i didn't really mind. it wast super hot today. yuck... then yeah. went out to eat with her whole fam and friends at east side marios. zomg too much food...

my vans are ugly. i should get some replacement authentics...

"Your will above all else,
My purpose remains.
The art of losing myself,
In giving you praise.

Everlasting,
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending,
Your glory goes beyond all fame."

im scared.

01/15

hmm... so yeah. cyn inspired me to start blogging again. but with something less complicated than xanga. hahaha. i like her little photo thing for everyday. interesting. ate mia texted me last night to go outside and look at the moon. i really should have took pictures of it the other night when it was super full. but yeah. just stood outside in sweats and my peacoat taking pictures. this guy walked by and i got kinda scared kuz i thought he was going to rob me of my camera. -___- but yeah. didnt. =D but yeah. my lens is terrible for taking pictures of the moon. haha =P

today... i was SUPER tired. i thought my 8 hours was enough but i kept falling asleep between texts in bed. doctors appointment. blah. pretty boring. but my new doctor's a peach. super cute. then yeah. unexpected trip to the blood lab. that's my other picture. hahaha. then subway and target. too bad subway is stupid and doesnt know what EXTRA or A LOT means. and they dont put dressing either apparently. sighhhh.

that's all. yay first blog.