submission.

kind of like wrestling... but not so much.

well maybe it is. it's like... you're in a fight and you keep fighting to get up but the other one is knocking you down. you just to have to accept it and submit to that other person.

for me, that other is God. and when i say fight, i mean that in a very loving way. God is fighting for our hearts. He wants us to want Him as much as we want everything else in this world. money, love, satisfaction by things. but... God knows that these things can never fully satisfy us. He knows that He is exactly what we need. we just need to come to terms and agree with Him on that.

i was once told that when we were born, there was a hole cut in our hearts. that hole was cut in the shape of God. no matter how hard we try to fill it with things. relationships, hobbies, possessions, it will never be enough. it's like trying to jam one of those kid toys with the wrong shape. you can try to force it in, but it will never fit.

there is only one perfect fit to our hearts. to my heart.

Matthew 6:33 tells us
"seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you"

as human's it's only natural to try and rely on ourselves and what we can do on our own two feet. but that's not the case. we need to give up that habit and learn to submit. give everything up to God. seek Him in everything you do. put Him in the number 1 spot in your heart. if we can learn to do that, how could there be any trouble in our lives?

if we come to God willingly with all the burdens we hold, all the confusion and fear that this world puts in us, He promises to show us the answer to it all. the reason why these things are in our lives. for God has a purpose in everything. you just have to really learn how to trust in Him and obey what He says to you. do that, and you will find peace and rest wherever you are in life.





too bad i'm a hypocrite. i talk all these things and it's sad to say that... it's hard for me to do these things myself. i guess i just write them so i can just keep what was on my mind so i can look back and remind myself where i've been and know what i need to do. i don't regret doing this or anything because why should i be ashamed of my thoughts especially if they're of my God. i just feel bad because even though things may seem like i know what i'm talking about, i still need to work on it myself and fix things.

i'm just a sheep trying to find my way. i'm dumb, dirty, and can't live on my own. honestly, that's who i am and who i will be. until i learn to submit myself to God's plan and what He has in store for me, i will always be lost.

that may sound depressing, but of course, there's hope in those words. i don't have to be lost. i know exactly what i need to do to find my way back. it just takes time is all.





this is hard. but nothing worth while comes easy... right?