cards...

bored. so i thought i'd like to share what i learned

did you know that...

there are 52 cards which represent the 52 weeks in a year. there are 13 numbers in each suit to represent the 13 cycles of the moon. there are 4 suits to represent the 4 seasons. red and black are meant to represent the constant change from day to night. if you added each of the cards up, they would end up with 365, the number of days in a year.

the things you learn not sleeping... sigh.

open late.

sigh... i hate summer because it totally screws up my sleeping patterns. i tend to stay up til i have to wake kim up so she can get ready.

at 4 in the morning...

then i get to sleep while she rides the train and goes off to work scanning and getting paper cuts for an amazing amount of money. jealin'...

BLAH. i wish i could sleep. i was sooo thinking i was gunna sleep after that last lame game of DotA but yeah. i just laid in bed tossing and turning and was like... there for an hour doing nothing. totally could have gotten one more decent game in with the usuals.

i was looking at cyn's blog and i'm jealous. jealous of all those pictures. she's so cool and is quite the photographer. i wish i was into my craft as much as i was before... i really need to get my wide angle back from marco. and... actually treat photography as a hobby. -_-

NAPS SUCK. totally wasn't planning on napping. and i have a meeting at church today. sighhh. at 930. hopefully i'll be ok to go there on time and not fall asleep.

s0o... i hate cops. well no, but i hate that i get caught speeding. i went up to stockton to visit kimbutt since she's been away for a long time. honestly, i just did it out of impulse and got there in time to surprise her after she got off her train. i wish i had a camera. or... used my camera. hahaha. iono... i totally hate the fact that i got impatient and sped too fast. i mean... i was 10 minutes away from my destination and the cop decides to bust a U on the freeway. across the middle divider. WHO DOES THAT? but yeah. i deserved it. 80 in a 70. hopefully i don't have to go to court kuz then i have to drive way the heck up there.

but yeah. when i got there, the look on her face when i drove up was just... iono. totally priceless. it was a... omg what are you doing here, what the hell is going on, is this forreal, why are you here, am i dreaming, im going to cry, etc etc kind of face.

i loved it.

we spent so much time... tryint to decide what to do. then after finding out what to do, we were screwed again right after with an awkward incident. weird and totally not what i was expecting or what i wanted from my time up there... but still. kim was there and that was the whole reason for it.

but driving home at 3am from stockton straight to long beach on less than 2 hours of sleep is NOT the business. i went through like... 15 of my old cds. thank goodness the sun came up to keep me awake. i was so excited to almost be home but yeah... i hit morning LA traffic. sucky. haha. but yeah. sleeping is wonderful. i didn't sleep til like 9. hahaha.

oh gosh. and... i recently got into bikes! spent a lil over 200 on my bike and i must say, it is quite the sexy. i want to like... buy a lock now so i can be like the cool guys at school who have cute bikes. i want to show it off. ahhaha. im so lame... BUT! i did get a compliment from two bikers at chipotle the other day. it gave me quite the smile. i just painted my wheels too to make it extra cute. =P

zomg my hair is sooo annoying being this long. ricky moved to fontana so his availability for haircuts isn't the same. sighhh... but it looks ok. i dyed a lil of it when kim was over dying her hair. very discrete. hahaha. you probably wouldn't notice if you saw it. but yeah. i was just trying to think of what is on my mind and i was messing with my hair and yeah.

honestly i'm just spilling out anything that's in my mind. something to pass the time til i call kim to wake her up for work again then attempt to fall asleep. this and the offive is making me fall asleep tho which is good...




"it feels so good, my feet don't touch the ground"
-creed singing karaoke; a benihana christmas.

goodnight

up late.

zomg what a day... -___________- semi non eventful, but in a way, eventful

so i woke up and yeah. caught up on my devotions and stuff. made breakfast with rj. made THEE BEST breakfast sandwich ever in life. well... it was good that i made it myself. a toasted bagel with scrambled eggs, bacon, cheese, and hot sauce. ZOMG. wow. eat your heart out fast food chain breakfast menus. i actually took a picture but i'm lazy to upload...

then yeah. apparently i got back into dota. oh gosh... what a loser right? who plays warcraft anymore... i do. hahaha. i played from like 2 til 6 game after game with derrick, dj, phil, and darryl. oh man. i suck. hahaha. but yeah. fun stuff. i should have studied tho... UGH! man i'm not good at this school business. we'll see how things go. but yeah.

after that, i took a power nap before bible study. yeppers. bought drinks and stuff. ate. it started kinda late but yeah. good stuff.

now the good part. well... not good, but interesting. SO. i got home around 120 and was sooo ready to sit down and get in a good game of dota. then i get a text message from S and yeah. random... kuz we never really talk. she goes to a different church now so we've kinda drifted. but yeah. apparently she and her friend stole their mom's car and went joy riding. but when they got home, S's mom was there to pick them up so they panicked and drove it around and parked it far from the house and yeah. so they wanted me to drive over and move it for them. oh did i mention this car was somewhere in north long beach? i was so like... wow i don't wanna do this... but something just pushed me and said i have to. what else would i do? saying no to something like this isn't really in my nature. so i called and got directions and instructions on what to do. i sounded kinda mad but i think i was just kinda cranky kuz i'm getting sleepy. but yeah. surprisingly, it got done safely. found the car, drove it to the house, walked back to my car, and drove home.

when i wanted to blog about this, i pictured it sounding so much more interesting in my mind. but yeah. iono... it's kinda cool how i feel i can still be a big brother to S even though we've drifted. i guess we'll always have that kind of bond since we pretty much grew up together. i was happy to help. and surprised she called me... out of everyone. how cool. hahaha.

sighhh... im so tired. but God is good. i'm glad i was able to be used to be a blessing to those kids. hopefully by this, they'll learn to make better decisions in life and not be stupid. ahahha

oh highschoolers... goodnight world.

sanctuary.

not really sure why i'm blogging. i just... have nothing to do. just at church in the sanctuary with my laptop listening to music trying to think of what songs i should get out for worship practice today.

this week has been hard. honestly one of the hardest weeks this year from school. early morning classes, deadlines for projects and papers, tests, tinikling practice, and loss of sleep trying to get everything done. redic.

i just thank God so much for getting me through it and making it not so painful. like... it hurts and wears me down to a point where i felt like i couldn't even make it. honestly. i woke up and was just... i can't do this. there's just TOO MUCH on my shoulders to handle and it feels like any moment would turn into my breaking point.

but i know that when it comes to those times... all i can do is just pray. pray for strength, pray for hope, pray for myself to trust that it's part of something greater and that God will see me through it.

and He did. here i am today alive and well with all those things behind me. all i can do is say thanks over and over. for provision and blessings.

blessings. they are so amazing. i was talking to jon marc and asking him to pray for me that this past week would get easier and he gave me a great way to count my blessings when i was feeling down. it's really cool. i suggest you try it.

so the thing is to start with something small that you have and count blessings connected to that. so i was driving to school thinking about that and i thought of my sunglasses.

something so small. SUNGLASSES. but then i remembered who gave them to me. kim. she's such a blessing to my life in more ways than i can count. everything she does for me and with me is always such a blessing. then i think about how i met her. school. im so blessed that i have the opportunity to go to school when people don't even get that chance in many places of the world. others are forced to go to work so early in life to provide for their family. family. thank you for my parents who were so blessed that i don't have to worry so much as i grow up about where i need to get money from of or everything is going to be alright because they have a firm foundation for their children. then my house. even just my bed. that they provide that and i can be warm at night when i sleep. and i can shower in the morning. WITH WARM WATER. because cold showers would suck. and that i can be clean. no one would come near me if i wasn't clean. i would stink... hahaha.

and seriously, the list can go ON AND ON. no joke. i take life for granted so much because i think those things will always be there. but what if they weren't? life would be so hard. but God blessed me and my family and friends so dearly that i wouldn't have to go through that.

it just makes me feel dumb that i worried. once again, i worry too much. has not God gotten me through so many things already. from beginning of my life to now, and will continue to. so why should i ever worry? if He hasn't left me before, after 19, almost 20 years of my life, there's no reason i should think that He'll leave me anytime soon.

wide, high, long, deep.

that's God's love for me. for ALL of us. no matter if you believe in Him or not, if you don't want a relationship with Him or not, no matter who you are or what you've done. He has a love greater than anything we could ever know on from this earth. it's better than life.



iono how to end this.

abundance

i love it when i read something in my devotional and like... yeah i believe it. but it's so much better when God shows it to me and like puts it in my face. it just make me believe in Him more and more and want to trust Him with everything.

basically, my devotion was about how God never does anything for you half way. He always gives you so much. like for example... asking for your mom to buy you this shirt, and instead, she buys you that shirt, PLUS all these other shirts you want and you didn't even have to ask. cool stuff right?

well i saw it last night. when i went out to get dinner with kim. she was all stressed out because of work and all the school stuff she has to do. i would be stressed and worried too. then things got even worse when she couldn't make up her mind about the food she wanted. did she want to save money, did she want to get food. so we decided after driving around to just go home and she'll just make herself some dinner. but then we saw this pizza place and decided to go in. she ordered herself a mini pizza and a side salad. then when we got up to get our order, the worker said we won the lottery with food. i was like... uhh... wth? so apparently, they read the order wrong and instead of making a mini pizza, we got a medium. and on top of that, the ran out of side salads, so instead we got a family size salad. so dinner for two! how awesome right? and we didn't get charged any extra. =D WOWOWOW

another thing. God's timing is so perfect. never too early, never too late. always on time. kim needed a break and way to relax. without having to pray about it, just as we learned in bible study, the Holy Spirit intervened for us and gave that worry up to God. and God provided. not just enough. any little pizza would have been enough. but He gave A LOT. hahaha. we were so full! it was great. =D

gotta love God for that.

also, just wanted to remember today. ria accepted Christ into her heart today! HOW EXCITING! nani called me and told me and i was like... iono how to react. but it's so exciting to know that! now God can really start doing wonders for her.

yay!

from the inside out.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the insode out,
Lord, let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out.

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

--------------------------------

this song means so much to me. just because... the lyrics speak so much to me about myself and my struggle in life trying to be the person that God wants me to be. at times it gets so hard and the things of this world just break me down and all i can do is stumble and stumble and stumble. i pride myself in being a christian and having Christ in my life but so many times i need to check myself and see is God really my number one? am i really living for Him or for my own desires?

just because i am christian doesn't mean i am any different than the next guy. i am not immune to being myself. being human. it's in my nature to sin. over and over. and iono... it just hurts so much knowing that i'm supposed to be an ambassador of Christ and too many times have i fallen short of that name. getting caught up in the moment or doing things for myself. thinking too little before it's too late.

it sucks. it just breaks my heart knowing that... God tells me not to do these things and He knows that when i do it, nothing good will come out of it and i'll end up hurting myself. but yet, i don't even listen. i do it anyways just for the hell of it. and just as He has told me before, i end up feeling empty still. i find myself saying that i should have just listened...

hope.

life is hard. but thank God that He loves us so unconditionally... a love that gives so freely. 1 corinthians 13 talks about LOVE. a very famous verse in followers of God and even those who aren't because it talks about what true love is. patient, kind, hopeful, slow to anger. so many of these things. and all of this, i know my Father has for me. everytime i sin, i feel convicted and hate myself but i know i shouldn't dwell on it because despite the fact that i did do it, my Father still loves me regardless. that was Jesus' purpose. He knew that we are born into this sin and that we can never be perfect in order to get into heaven. that's why He had to die for us. for me. the idea that when Christ was on that cross and as He died, He saw me. He had me in His mind and bit the bullet so willingly. a son who isn't even worthy to be called son. a person that shouldn't even be recognized by God.

but with this, God gives us hope for a better future. through these problems and trials, my life is being refined. slowly, step by step, God is making me into a better person. that is my hope. this amazing love that runs to us ready to save me when i need it most. and any other time i need it.

and this love never dies. it's everlasting.

sigh... God is awesome. sometimes, the worst of me has to come out in order for me to see God and allow Him to reveal the best in me.





its always, always, always about LOVE...

blessed.

blessed more than i could ever imagine. more than i deserve. more than i need.

God is good all the time. and all the time, God is good.

just gotta trust and live according to what He wants for you, not what you want for yourself.

sounds yuck to some people. understandable. but yeah. it brings me happiness that doesn't fade.




i want a magic bullet. hahaha. SIGH...

yuck... driving to lancaster was of the UGNESS today. freaking kim and i wasted 4 hours of life... ZOMBY. sigh. and i get to drive out there again to pick up my brother. i'm not driving him there anymore. the only way he's getting there is if he learns how to drive. i don't care. hahaha. i am NOT driving out there again. that was... the complete opposite of fun and how i would have liked to spend my friday. and i drove there right after an anatomy quiz and sociology midterm that i stayed up til 3 the night before doing. anatomy was at 8... hahaha. lariz and i fell asleep in the union and the little kids on tours got to see what college is really about. studying till your eyes fall out and you end up collapsing on chairs in public.

thas wussup.

bible study was awes. kyrstin came this week. yay! i'm glad she did. it's so fun having my friends come with me to bible study. it's a great thing for all of us to share together. there really is no better way for us to spend our friday nights.

it's cold. hahaha. that is all.

DINGLEBERRIES?!

AH HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH

ENGL-WOOD

so bored in english class. this is so bad. i hate bringing my laptoop to school because i HELLA cannot focus on anything the teacher is talking about. i'm torn between iss, blogspot, my paper due at 5, and whatevers going on in class. SIGHHHHHH

so this girl WOULD give me her number in class... hahahaha. oh gosh. just thought it was funny. we have socio together and yeah. we have our final tomorrow so she offered to send me some notes which is nice. i wanted to sign onto aim and send her my email because it's so embarassing to say. but then she's like OR YOU CAN JUST TEXT ME... my number is.... da da da

nice move. hahaha. she's nice though. more friends in class is always good.

there there's this one girl who always comes in late. i think it's because she's so focused on her looks. iono if i'm just being shallow or i can read her character but yeah. she always comes in LATE but she dresses really... iono. white washed? then she always wears too much makeup. iono... i'm not saying make up is bad or anything. i just think if it's not THAT necessary, don't put so much on. i love it when girls wear subtle makeup to ENHANCE their already natural beauty. not when they think OH IM UGLY, I'LL COVER IT UP WITH MAKEUP...

oh gosh. i hope no one hates me if they wear a lot of makeup...

brown leather jacket, beater with semi see through material green shirt. skinny jeans, slippers, big circular dangly earings, HUGE victoria secret pink, blackberry with ELECTRIC pink case

but of course, that's just the outer appearance i see of this girl. i'm sure there's so much more under all those things. animal number 1 of 3. hahaha

blah. ok i'll blog more about my day later. hahaha. i wanna like... blog about the different places i'm at. ios, geog class, pac meeting, practice.

hmmmm. sounds like a great COLLECTION. hahaha. so gay.

jeff is cute.

perfect timing//on and on.

in my experience, there is no such thing as PERFECT timing. sad to say, but to me, there is no such thing.

but there is for me, God's timing. for me, that's so much better than perfect.

whatever happens in my life, good or bad, i know it's right. it's exactly where God wants me to be in life at that very moment. God doesn't miss. He's never too early or comes late. whether the circumstances be good or bad, i know that there is a reason for it all. there's a purpose so much bigger than i can see. because all i can see is the current. what's happening NOW is what matters to me. but i know my God has such a greater plan for me. so much bigger and greater than i can even comprehend. He is my father who always has His best in mind for me. i am His beloved. i am His and He is mine.

He is my shepherd. as long as i am the sheep, i will always do my best to keep my eyes fixed on the shepherd that guides me. even though there are dark valleys that i might go through, i won't be afraid. my Father is there. always there no matter what. there is NOTHING that can separate us. while walking, i might stray away from the path He has set out for me, but i know that He keeps His eye on me all the time and is there to lead me back when the time is right. His rod and staff give me comfort because with that staff, He protects me from harm. He will never let me fall. things may happen that may seem to be bad, but i know they're all trials for me to build my character. things may get hard, but i know it's never something that i cannot overcome. God will provide everything i need to overcome that obstacle. He gives more than enough. He is more than enough...

time and time again, i keep going back to this theme when it comes to writing about my faith. my relationship with God...

it is always, always, ALWAYS about love.

all the things i see around me. all the things that happen in my life. all the amazing things i learn. even the things that may hurt me for a moment. i know it's all out of the love of my amazing Father. everything has a purpose. and behind that purpose is this unfailing love that will never let me down.

oh my gosh. i cannot believe how amazing this love is. knowing that... no matter how many times i deserve for God to turn away from me and have Him say that i am nothing to Him, i know that won't happen. when i hurt Him with the things i do and say, i don't even have to turn to Him first. i see my Father running towards me. TO CATCH ME. TO HOLD ME. TO KEEP ME SAFE. TO COMFORT ME.

to tell me i'm worth something.

there's so many things i've done in my life that make me the worst person ever. no one ever knows because i wear masks all the time to hide them. but the one person who can see past all these masks is my God. He knows my heart. He created it. even before my parents were thinking about each other, God had me in mind planning out every SINGLE step i was going to take in life. all the places i've been. all the things i've done. all the sins i've committed. i know that God planned out all those things. everything planned to the exact perfect moment. perfect not in my eyes, but to God, it is perfect. because He is perfect.

this is how i know my God is real. it's so much more than a religion. relgion is like... a way for man to find out about eternity or what happens after death and what to do in life to get there or at least try.

for me, it is this amazing relationship. without God, who knows where i would be. He's my crutch through everything in my life. not just a crutch, but He carries me when i can't walk on my own. always holding my hand and never letting me go.

there are so many instances in my life, especially these past few months, that without having God to turn to for comfort, i don't know how i would have gotten through them. without having that connection to give all my problems up to Him, my shoulders would have broken under the pressure of all these things. things that i know i would not have been able to manage without Him being there to share the load.





i just really felt i needed to let all those things out. to reconnect with my Father. these bad situations in life... they get so hard sometimes and i am so tempted to cry out to God for Him to just take it all away and let me get on with my life. but i know that thorn in my foot is there for a reason. i have these burdens and sins in my life so i can build my dependence on my Father over and over. it keeps me reminded that i really do need Him and i should bring anything and everything to Him no matter what. i have to give Him my best, so that He can give me His best.



SO BRING ON THE THORNS! IT'S WHAT I NEED.
they can bring me down, but they can't hold me there.



my problems and worries may be big, but my God is bigger...

cyncha

so... i guess it's cool that i get to have my photo up in a show in london, but i think it's WAY cooler that CYN'S picture is going to be in a BOOK of hotspots around LA.

WOW! IM SO J...




i'd soooo rather have a book with my picture in it than have it in a show in london. hahaha. CONGRATS CYN! imma tell my kids I KNOW HER when ur a famous photographer.

ama-awes-DEF!

zomg im so excited! so i thought it would be a typical night of just staying in and doing homework. NAAAAT!

i go on my flickr because... i have a list on my dashboard of the sites i check when i'm bored. so i finally get to my flickr and i have a message. i open it up and... this guy from london saw my picture and said he wants to display it in a show in LONDON called Nocturnal from april-may. it's a community based project that has a message about light and light bulbs. i forget but yeah.

HOW AWESOME IS THAT?! i mean it's cool that my pictures are online and people from all over the world can see them in computers. BUT IN A SHOW IN LONDON?! WHAT THE HECK!?!?!?! never in LIFE would i ever think this would happen. WOW!

God is awesome for giving me this joy and the gift of photography. SO COOL!!!!!!!!!!!! i would love to fly out to london and be like... yeah. i took that picture. what about it? with like some super cool face like it's no big deal. HAHAHAHA!

zomy... that is super cool. out of all my circle of friends that are photographers, i would NOT think i would be the one who would be found by some guy and have my picture picked. i'm not even that great. HONESTLY. i guess i get lucky sometimes. =P

i love my friends. the fact that we can share experiences together is so great. o0o and i love how they're always there to help! lariz and i trade off when we're really tired to take notes in classes for each other. =D team work ftw! so yeah. we decided that i would sleep in today.

and OH MAN. that dream was AMA-AWES-DEF WTH! i dreamt we bought a new house but it was right next to my old one. it was SO BIG! it was kinda sad looking outside at our old house and see that no one lived there anymore. but yeah. this new house. WOW! i went out to the back and they were still setting up the garage. but don't mistake this for ANY garage. it was like... FREAKING HUGE! they were setting it up to be like... a place we would have concerts or something. that's what it looked like to me. then there was like this... weird building where apparently tv shows were being shot. and like... there were spots in the wall where we could WALK THROUGH so we could watch the show being taped without being in the way. THAT WAS SO COOL! then i remember something about... going to seaworld with like 208398429384 filipinos. wth. hahaha. i remember there being this little kid who was being emo kuz his girlfriend broke up with him and he was in a tower and wouldn't come down. so i was like... yelling at him? hahaha. iono... I SWEAR I'M NOT MEAN! then there were dolphins so lariz and i just stood watching them swim. then we got these water guns that shoot water. but the water wasn't just a stream. they were like BULLETS but in the shape of DOLPHINS. WTH!!! that was SO DOPE!.



ok that's it. i need to get ready for schoolio. -_- hahaha yay!

interesting +1

i thought this was soooo cool

i hope whoever reads this is getting something from it. not that i'm writing because i want you to hear it, because i don't. like i do, but this is mostly a blog for myself. but yeah. whatever.

so i was doing my devotional and i just read about like... the Holy Spirit how when we accept Christ into our lives, we are filled with it and our souls are sealed for heaven forever. then it said that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us when we don't know how to pray.

Romans 8:26
²⁶In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for ^A)we do not know how to pray as we should, but ^B)the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words

it just reminded me of the little kids i teach at church. like before we start and before we end, we always pray. and then... it's always WHO WANTS TO PRAY! everyone wants to TALK before about stuff, but no one wants to pray. so i end up praying and stuff. hahaha. but i thought it was so cool how God thought through every single problem we may have. a lot of people don't know how to pray exactly and get scared because they don't want to sound stupid or whatever. that's how i felt. some people would say these amazing prayers that are so long and heartfelt. then when i'd pray it's like... uhh... ok that's it? hahaha.

it's just amazing that even when we don't pray, God knows that we want to and what we need so when we can't find the words, it's alright because God knows our hearts. He created them. He had us in mind way before we were born. so He knows exactly what you need all the time. even before you ask Him for it.




like i said. it's all about LOVE.

interestingness

just some quick points from my devotional i wanted to get down before i went to school.

if you wanna read with me, joey, and ria, the devotion we read is

http://www.intouch.org/site/c.cnKBIPNuEoG/b.4943547/k.2A53/Early_Light_Devotional__In_Touch_Ministries/apps/nl/newsletter.asp

=D

well yeah. it was just cool when i learned some thing's i never really thought of. so like... Jesus was God's son right, and you see a lot how much God loved Him and always took care of Him because they were one. that's the trinity, God, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. but that oneness isn't just something between God and Jesus. we are ALL God's children when we accept Jesus as our savior and follow Him. God wants that same oneness with us.

i find that so amazing. that the creator of the WORLD. not just the world. THE UNIVERSE. so big and powerful that i can barely fathom. HE wants to have this close relationship with ME. with all of us individually. just thought that was interesting because i never really thought of it like that.

also, the Holy Spirit gives us guidance everyday with what to do. if we should do this and that. we have to face decisions like 2380984092834 everyday. and it's so great how when it comes to hard decisions, all you have to do is ask God for guidance and He will give it to you. you just have to ask. and who would you rely more on when asking for guidance? a hunch you have yourself, or the knowledge of the person who made you and everything else?

and when i say God will give you guidance, i don't mean you will hear some voice out of nowhere or you will see God and He'll tell you. it's something that comes from within. from the heart that tells you what is right. something from maybe... iono. reading something in the bible that will help you or asking the right people. it's hard to explain. something like tugs at your heart saying "THIS IS THE RIGHT WAY, I WANT YOU TO DO THIS"

and lastly since i'm going to school soon... hahaha. God always provides enough for us. no matter what. God loves us. HE WANTS US TO BE HAPPY. HE WANTS TO GIVE US BLESSINGS. and He won't stop loving you despite how many times we fail Him or do things against Him. His love is unfailing and won't give up. when we stop looking to Him for help, HE RUNS TO US. because He is our Father and calls us His beloved.

God loved His Son Jesus so much. so much than we could understand. but even though He loved Him that much, He still chose to give Him up for US. these children that barely even have that ONENESS with Him.

amazing love. it's all about love. it's all out of love.

out of bored.

today felt like... such a waste. hahaha. well it wasn't. i just slept a lot.

woke up SUPER super early to study. yuck. i hate studying. the test surprisingly was not that intense. like... it was hard of course. but i knew a lot of the things. i just hope i did as well as i think i did... then yeah. super boring long break. just print hw, write out the 30 toys i had to research for my socio project and yeah. BLAH. so tedious. i hate it. then just sit in the maxson center playing video games with justin and ria. zomy...

BORING I TELL YOU!!!

then sociology. i fell asleep again! ugh... but yeah. got done with my week! PRAISE GOD! it was one of the hardest school weeks by far. AND I DID IT! proud right? hahaha.

then yeah... went to target to buy clothes. sadly i forgot about buying some body wash... -___- which was half of the reason i went there in the first place. i guess i got too excited for buying shirts. hahaha. target is kinda stepping it up clothing wise. hahaha. a lot of great stuff. the guys section is NOTHING compared to the girls but yeah. they even reminded me of like... a wanna be american apparel with these super trendy color blank tees.

i kinda hate buying new clothes because they have those ugly creases in the shirt when you put it on. i always have to wash them. but then you wash and you get scared because you might dry it wrong and end up with a shirt half the size you wanted with a super retarded looking colar that looks like belongs to part of a brain instead of on your neck. a little joke about pia mater or the gyri and sulci for you health and human services majors. HAHAHA.

that was not funny.

then yeah. went home and got excited looking all these BIG BOXES. RJ'S CLOTHES! ALL MINE!!! FINALLY!!! so i grabbed a knife and destoryed the tape and rummaged through all the boxes. there were about... 6? COOL RIGHT?! THINK OF ALL THE CLOTHES!!!

that was fun not.

sigh... turns out one box was just full of scarves, another was a small tv, another was shoes that do not fit, and others were these super ugly jackets. hahaha. sorry rj. i had SUCH HIGH HOPES for you. you failed me...

BUT THEN... i saw the huge duffel bag. SHIRTS!!! so i opened that sucker up with the quickness. SHIRTS!!! hahaha. zomg... BIGGEST WASTE OF TIME EVER IN LIFE! i spent like... a good 15-20 mins looking and yeah. all i found was... a sweater that was like super bright blue which i do not even like that much. and all the clothes smelled like they were stacked in boxes next to a cargo full of dirty chicken. so of course, i in turn smelled like those animals.

shower obv.

then cook some amazing tilapia if i say so myself. yummy. then play catch up with some well deserved sleep. yizzur.


yay bible study tonight. i'm excited. this is why God chose to give me a van and not some awesome civic that i would spend bills on to make it jdm.

oh japanese domestic... how i used to love you.


THASS IT.

God is.

my strength
saving grace
hope
peace
joy

no problem is greater than God's provision for us to endure it and find that peace within the storm.
nothing is bigger than God.


no joke, devotionals are amazing and are THE WAY to start the day. especially before you cram RIGHT BEFORE a midterm. hahaha.



GOD IS BIGGER THAN ANATOMY TESTS! HAHAHA<333

worth it.

not only do i get to save a life...



i save money on snacks for school. HAHAHAHA!

tears.

today, i couldn't help but cry. i hate when people leave my life. it's like... one of the FEW things that break me. my God, and my loves. those two things are the only things that can break my heart like that. i just stood there in the shower trying my hardest to hold back my tears. and even now, i can't hold them back...

i think back to times when i used to hate my dad because of all the restrictions and how he would yell at me for things. that's just his character. but i took it for granted. i took HIM for granted. i grew comfortable with the idea that when i get home, he'll automatically be there. we wouldn't really talk because we'd always be busy with our own thing. and now he's going to be gone from my family for 6 months. i seriously wanted to YELL that right now. because I HATE MYSELF for not spending time with my dad like i would have wanted. i always complained that my family wasn't that close because we're always off in our own separate worlds that are our computers and rooms. but it's not just their fault, IT WAS MINE. i didn't make the effort to do those things.

i just hope it's not too late.

i love my father SO MUCH. even though he can be hard at times, i know he was always putting my best first in his mind. he told me things i didn't want to hear, but i needed to hear. he held me when i needed someone. i just pray SO HARD that when he's gone these few weeks, God just watches over him so closely that when he's in the philippines doing God's work, he'll be able to come home to us safely.

i'm even more scared for my mom. i don't even know how she's going to deal with this separation. my parents are THE BEST team. i have never met parents like them. not just because they're my own and i'm so grateful to have them, but i never have seen parents devoted so greatly to God. making God the center of everything. it's amazing. it's what keeps them together.

it's like... they're the perfect example of God's love for us, His children. my mother is the soft side that shows so much compassion. a love that never grows cold. one that is ALWAYS there to come running to when you're broken and she'll be there to comfort you and let you know everything is going to be alright. my father, the firm love that won't let you quit on yourself. the kind that is hard on you, but never too hard to break you. one that challenges you to help develop your character into the right person. but at the same time, he has a soft side that knows when you need to feel that love and just be like that mother. and he isn't afraid to show it. real men today are so stupid. you need to be MACHO and super strong and not show your true feelings. it takes courage and a real man to be secure in himself that it's ok to show your true feelings and cry or something. anyone can put up a mask, a facade. how many of you are willing to take down those walls and let yourself be vulnerable?

i'm not saying i'm a real man or anyting, because i honestly don't think i am.




God's love is so great. greater than we can ever imagine. He is our Father. one that loves us so much, these children that don't even know Him or acknowledge Him for the things He does for us all the time. He died for us, DIED. like... went through the greatest punishment EVER IN LIFE for us. these children so undeserving. who are WE that this great God would put His life on the line, His son. we broke the laws of our Lord, so we deserve death to fulfill that penalty put on our sins. but no, God said that He would take the punishment for us instead. He loved us that much. so much. a love that this world can never show you. nothing on this earth can match this great love. it's like trying to shove a square shape into a triangle shaped hole. nothing's going to fit. thing's may seem to fit and slip through, but how long does that last?



iono where i'm going with this. just random thoughts running through my head after my devotional.



have you ever done a devotional? you should try it. it takes like less than 10 minutes to read. it could change your life.

God loves you. so much. embrace it.

1's and 2's

sigh... i wish my dreams of turntablism worked out better.

i really miss my stanton t.60s. i just wish i had a better mixer that cuts clean instead of the crap i had. AND i wish the lady at stupid guitar center didn't lie and sell me the fake idea of serato. sigh...

scratching is so dope! but yeah. quite the expensiveness. oh well.



can't get everything you want in life. just be thankful for what God has already blessed you with, right?






i want cookies and milk... hahaha

chance.

ever hear the story of job?

God and satan had an idea to test job, one of God's greatest followers. the deal was to let satan do whatever to him, but not kill him and they were to see if He would curse God. so satan killed his whole family, destroyed his riches, killed off all his flocks. furthermore, he was inflicted with burning boils all over his body which he ended up just scratching with a piece of a pot.

imagine that. losing EVERYTHING you had. everything you've ever worked for. EVERYTHING. that's such a hard thing to fathom. i can barely imagine my life without the people in it. even just not having the bed i'm laying in right now.

the amazing thing is that despite the tragedy and everything that was happening, job NEVER cursed God. job didn't know the circumstances or reason why this was happening, but he trusten in his Lord that it was His will. still he praised God no matter what.

NO MATTER WHAT.

you know, many people believe in chance and luck. stuff of that sorts. but for me, i know my life isn't just a big clutter of happenings that I can define by the things i do. everything i do, it happens for a reason. the feelings i feel, the thoughts i think, everything. it all happens because God put it in me. not myself.

chance has no part in our life. nothing comes into our lives without God's permission.





crazy huh.


just wanted to share my devotion with whoever's out there reading. hope you took something from it.

have a blessed day.

worry.

i worry too much. my friend's have said it. my mom even said it to me just now.

sighhh...

i hate that about me. i worry so much to a point where it totally consumes my mind. i think wayyy too hard about the future and what's going to happen next. if i'll be ok, if others will be ok, what's going to happen next, where am i going.

God is my shepherd. i am the sheep. He leads me. therefore, i should not worry about where i'm going. it's all in God's hands. He never gives up on His sheep. His love never changes.

amazing love.




ew. i hella did not do my devotional this weekend. -___- that threw me off a lot. yucky.

but still, i will rejoice. =D




GOODNIGHT!