cards...

bored. so i thought i'd like to share what i learned

did you know that...

there are 52 cards which represent the 52 weeks in a year. there are 13 numbers in each suit to represent the 13 cycles of the moon. there are 4 suits to represent the 4 seasons. red and black are meant to represent the constant change from day to night. if you added each of the cards up, they would end up with 365, the number of days in a year.

the things you learn not sleeping... sigh.

open late.

sigh... i hate summer because it totally screws up my sleeping patterns. i tend to stay up til i have to wake kim up so she can get ready.

at 4 in the morning...

then i get to sleep while she rides the train and goes off to work scanning and getting paper cuts for an amazing amount of money. jealin'...

BLAH. i wish i could sleep. i was sooo thinking i was gunna sleep after that last lame game of DotA but yeah. i just laid in bed tossing and turning and was like... there for an hour doing nothing. totally could have gotten one more decent game in with the usuals.

i was looking at cyn's blog and i'm jealous. jealous of all those pictures. she's so cool and is quite the photographer. i wish i was into my craft as much as i was before... i really need to get my wide angle back from marco. and... actually treat photography as a hobby. -_-

NAPS SUCK. totally wasn't planning on napping. and i have a meeting at church today. sighhh. at 930. hopefully i'll be ok to go there on time and not fall asleep.

s0o... i hate cops. well no, but i hate that i get caught speeding. i went up to stockton to visit kimbutt since she's been away for a long time. honestly, i just did it out of impulse and got there in time to surprise her after she got off her train. i wish i had a camera. or... used my camera. hahaha. iono... i totally hate the fact that i got impatient and sped too fast. i mean... i was 10 minutes away from my destination and the cop decides to bust a U on the freeway. across the middle divider. WHO DOES THAT? but yeah. i deserved it. 80 in a 70. hopefully i don't have to go to court kuz then i have to drive way the heck up there.

but yeah. when i got there, the look on her face when i drove up was just... iono. totally priceless. it was a... omg what are you doing here, what the hell is going on, is this forreal, why are you here, am i dreaming, im going to cry, etc etc kind of face.

i loved it.

we spent so much time... tryint to decide what to do. then after finding out what to do, we were screwed again right after with an awkward incident. weird and totally not what i was expecting or what i wanted from my time up there... but still. kim was there and that was the whole reason for it.

but driving home at 3am from stockton straight to long beach on less than 2 hours of sleep is NOT the business. i went through like... 15 of my old cds. thank goodness the sun came up to keep me awake. i was so excited to almost be home but yeah... i hit morning LA traffic. sucky. haha. but yeah. sleeping is wonderful. i didn't sleep til like 9. hahaha.

oh gosh. and... i recently got into bikes! spent a lil over 200 on my bike and i must say, it is quite the sexy. i want to like... buy a lock now so i can be like the cool guys at school who have cute bikes. i want to show it off. ahhaha. im so lame... BUT! i did get a compliment from two bikers at chipotle the other day. it gave me quite the smile. i just painted my wheels too to make it extra cute. =P

zomg my hair is sooo annoying being this long. ricky moved to fontana so his availability for haircuts isn't the same. sighhh... but it looks ok. i dyed a lil of it when kim was over dying her hair. very discrete. hahaha. you probably wouldn't notice if you saw it. but yeah. i was just trying to think of what is on my mind and i was messing with my hair and yeah.

honestly i'm just spilling out anything that's in my mind. something to pass the time til i call kim to wake her up for work again then attempt to fall asleep. this and the offive is making me fall asleep tho which is good...




"it feels so good, my feet don't touch the ground"
-creed singing karaoke; a benihana christmas.

goodnight

up late.

zomg what a day... -___________- semi non eventful, but in a way, eventful

so i woke up and yeah. caught up on my devotions and stuff. made breakfast with rj. made THEE BEST breakfast sandwich ever in life. well... it was good that i made it myself. a toasted bagel with scrambled eggs, bacon, cheese, and hot sauce. ZOMG. wow. eat your heart out fast food chain breakfast menus. i actually took a picture but i'm lazy to upload...

then yeah. apparently i got back into dota. oh gosh... what a loser right? who plays warcraft anymore... i do. hahaha. i played from like 2 til 6 game after game with derrick, dj, phil, and darryl. oh man. i suck. hahaha. but yeah. fun stuff. i should have studied tho... UGH! man i'm not good at this school business. we'll see how things go. but yeah.

after that, i took a power nap before bible study. yeppers. bought drinks and stuff. ate. it started kinda late but yeah. good stuff.

now the good part. well... not good, but interesting. SO. i got home around 120 and was sooo ready to sit down and get in a good game of dota. then i get a text message from S and yeah. random... kuz we never really talk. she goes to a different church now so we've kinda drifted. but yeah. apparently she and her friend stole their mom's car and went joy riding. but when they got home, S's mom was there to pick them up so they panicked and drove it around and parked it far from the house and yeah. so they wanted me to drive over and move it for them. oh did i mention this car was somewhere in north long beach? i was so like... wow i don't wanna do this... but something just pushed me and said i have to. what else would i do? saying no to something like this isn't really in my nature. so i called and got directions and instructions on what to do. i sounded kinda mad but i think i was just kinda cranky kuz i'm getting sleepy. but yeah. surprisingly, it got done safely. found the car, drove it to the house, walked back to my car, and drove home.

when i wanted to blog about this, i pictured it sounding so much more interesting in my mind. but yeah. iono... it's kinda cool how i feel i can still be a big brother to S even though we've drifted. i guess we'll always have that kind of bond since we pretty much grew up together. i was happy to help. and surprised she called me... out of everyone. how cool. hahaha.

sighhh... im so tired. but God is good. i'm glad i was able to be used to be a blessing to those kids. hopefully by this, they'll learn to make better decisions in life and not be stupid. ahahha

oh highschoolers... goodnight world.

sanctuary.

not really sure why i'm blogging. i just... have nothing to do. just at church in the sanctuary with my laptop listening to music trying to think of what songs i should get out for worship practice today.

this week has been hard. honestly one of the hardest weeks this year from school. early morning classes, deadlines for projects and papers, tests, tinikling practice, and loss of sleep trying to get everything done. redic.

i just thank God so much for getting me through it and making it not so painful. like... it hurts and wears me down to a point where i felt like i couldn't even make it. honestly. i woke up and was just... i can't do this. there's just TOO MUCH on my shoulders to handle and it feels like any moment would turn into my breaking point.

but i know that when it comes to those times... all i can do is just pray. pray for strength, pray for hope, pray for myself to trust that it's part of something greater and that God will see me through it.

and He did. here i am today alive and well with all those things behind me. all i can do is say thanks over and over. for provision and blessings.

blessings. they are so amazing. i was talking to jon marc and asking him to pray for me that this past week would get easier and he gave me a great way to count my blessings when i was feeling down. it's really cool. i suggest you try it.

so the thing is to start with something small that you have and count blessings connected to that. so i was driving to school thinking about that and i thought of my sunglasses.

something so small. SUNGLASSES. but then i remembered who gave them to me. kim. she's such a blessing to my life in more ways than i can count. everything she does for me and with me is always such a blessing. then i think about how i met her. school. im so blessed that i have the opportunity to go to school when people don't even get that chance in many places of the world. others are forced to go to work so early in life to provide for their family. family. thank you for my parents who were so blessed that i don't have to worry so much as i grow up about where i need to get money from of or everything is going to be alright because they have a firm foundation for their children. then my house. even just my bed. that they provide that and i can be warm at night when i sleep. and i can shower in the morning. WITH WARM WATER. because cold showers would suck. and that i can be clean. no one would come near me if i wasn't clean. i would stink... hahaha.

and seriously, the list can go ON AND ON. no joke. i take life for granted so much because i think those things will always be there. but what if they weren't? life would be so hard. but God blessed me and my family and friends so dearly that i wouldn't have to go through that.

it just makes me feel dumb that i worried. once again, i worry too much. has not God gotten me through so many things already. from beginning of my life to now, and will continue to. so why should i ever worry? if He hasn't left me before, after 19, almost 20 years of my life, there's no reason i should think that He'll leave me anytime soon.

wide, high, long, deep.

that's God's love for me. for ALL of us. no matter if you believe in Him or not, if you don't want a relationship with Him or not, no matter who you are or what you've done. He has a love greater than anything we could ever know on from this earth. it's better than life.



iono how to end this.

abundance

i love it when i read something in my devotional and like... yeah i believe it. but it's so much better when God shows it to me and like puts it in my face. it just make me believe in Him more and more and want to trust Him with everything.

basically, my devotion was about how God never does anything for you half way. He always gives you so much. like for example... asking for your mom to buy you this shirt, and instead, she buys you that shirt, PLUS all these other shirts you want and you didn't even have to ask. cool stuff right?

well i saw it last night. when i went out to get dinner with kim. she was all stressed out because of work and all the school stuff she has to do. i would be stressed and worried too. then things got even worse when she couldn't make up her mind about the food she wanted. did she want to save money, did she want to get food. so we decided after driving around to just go home and she'll just make herself some dinner. but then we saw this pizza place and decided to go in. she ordered herself a mini pizza and a side salad. then when we got up to get our order, the worker said we won the lottery with food. i was like... uhh... wth? so apparently, they read the order wrong and instead of making a mini pizza, we got a medium. and on top of that, the ran out of side salads, so instead we got a family size salad. so dinner for two! how awesome right? and we didn't get charged any extra. =D WOWOWOW

another thing. God's timing is so perfect. never too early, never too late. always on time. kim needed a break and way to relax. without having to pray about it, just as we learned in bible study, the Holy Spirit intervened for us and gave that worry up to God. and God provided. not just enough. any little pizza would have been enough. but He gave A LOT. hahaha. we were so full! it was great. =D

gotta love God for that.

also, just wanted to remember today. ria accepted Christ into her heart today! HOW EXCITING! nani called me and told me and i was like... iono how to react. but it's so exciting to know that! now God can really start doing wonders for her.

yay!

from the inside out.

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

In my heart and my soul
Lord I give You control
Consume me from the insode out,
Lord, let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love you from the inside out.

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
In bringing You praise
Everlasting
Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending
Your glory goes beyond all fame

--------------------------------

this song means so much to me. just because... the lyrics speak so much to me about myself and my struggle in life trying to be the person that God wants me to be. at times it gets so hard and the things of this world just break me down and all i can do is stumble and stumble and stumble. i pride myself in being a christian and having Christ in my life but so many times i need to check myself and see is God really my number one? am i really living for Him or for my own desires?

just because i am christian doesn't mean i am any different than the next guy. i am not immune to being myself. being human. it's in my nature to sin. over and over. and iono... it just hurts so much knowing that i'm supposed to be an ambassador of Christ and too many times have i fallen short of that name. getting caught up in the moment or doing things for myself. thinking too little before it's too late.

it sucks. it just breaks my heart knowing that... God tells me not to do these things and He knows that when i do it, nothing good will come out of it and i'll end up hurting myself. but yet, i don't even listen. i do it anyways just for the hell of it. and just as He has told me before, i end up feeling empty still. i find myself saying that i should have just listened...

hope.

life is hard. but thank God that He loves us so unconditionally... a love that gives so freely. 1 corinthians 13 talks about LOVE. a very famous verse in followers of God and even those who aren't because it talks about what true love is. patient, kind, hopeful, slow to anger. so many of these things. and all of this, i know my Father has for me. everytime i sin, i feel convicted and hate myself but i know i shouldn't dwell on it because despite the fact that i did do it, my Father still loves me regardless. that was Jesus' purpose. He knew that we are born into this sin and that we can never be perfect in order to get into heaven. that's why He had to die for us. for me. the idea that when Christ was on that cross and as He died, He saw me. He had me in His mind and bit the bullet so willingly. a son who isn't even worthy to be called son. a person that shouldn't even be recognized by God.

but with this, God gives us hope for a better future. through these problems and trials, my life is being refined. slowly, step by step, God is making me into a better person. that is my hope. this amazing love that runs to us ready to save me when i need it most. and any other time i need it.

and this love never dies. it's everlasting.

sigh... God is awesome. sometimes, the worst of me has to come out in order for me to see God and allow Him to reveal the best in me.





its always, always, always about LOVE...

blessed.

blessed more than i could ever imagine. more than i deserve. more than i need.

God is good all the time. and all the time, God is good.

just gotta trust and live according to what He wants for you, not what you want for yourself.

sounds yuck to some people. understandable. but yeah. it brings me happiness that doesn't fade.




i want a magic bullet. hahaha. SIGH...

yuck... driving to lancaster was of the UGNESS today. freaking kim and i wasted 4 hours of life... ZOMBY. sigh. and i get to drive out there again to pick up my brother. i'm not driving him there anymore. the only way he's getting there is if he learns how to drive. i don't care. hahaha. i am NOT driving out there again. that was... the complete opposite of fun and how i would have liked to spend my friday. and i drove there right after an anatomy quiz and sociology midterm that i stayed up til 3 the night before doing. anatomy was at 8... hahaha. lariz and i fell asleep in the union and the little kids on tours got to see what college is really about. studying till your eyes fall out and you end up collapsing on chairs in public.

thas wussup.

bible study was awes. kyrstin came this week. yay! i'm glad she did. it's so fun having my friends come with me to bible study. it's a great thing for all of us to share together. there really is no better way for us to spend our friday nights.

it's cold. hahaha. that is all.

DINGLEBERRIES?!

AH HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH